1. Consistency is key when it comes to your toddler’s bedtime routine.

Yup, multiple sleep medicine reviews agree that a consistent bedtime routine can have huge benefits for toddlers. We see better sleep (longer stretches, fewer wake-ups, earlier bedtimes), improved development (language, literacy, emotional regulation), and even more positive family functioning. Toddlers love routines and rituals—once they become habit, they’re rarely challenged.

Routines give children structure, reduce anxiety, and remove the “what’s next?” worry at the end of the day. Plus, when your child knows exactly what happens before bed, they’re less likely to push boundaries—because mom and dad are consistent.

2. Visual Bedtime Routines are easiest for toddlers to understand.

A visual schedule is simply your evening routine presented in pictures—think of a chart or sequence of images showing each step. It’s something that toddlers of all ages and language abilities can easily follow.

 

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The benefits are huge:

• Clear expectations = more cooperation
• Reduced stress and anxiety
• Easier transitions between activities
• Improved understanding of time and sequencing
• A boost in independence and self-esteem
• Support for literacy if you add words to the pictures

Dr Golly especially loves charts that toddlers can interact with—folding up a card, ticking off with a whiteboard marker, or adding a sticker for each step. And remember, these kinds of visual sequences can work wonders in other areas too, like morning routines or even just the steps to getting dressed.

3. Consistency is key, but you’ll also want to keep things upbeat.

Wherever you are and whoever’s looking after your child, the steps of your bedtime routine should be the same. But it’s also super helpful to remember that this shouldn’t be a tense or negative exercise. Dr Golly stresses three ways to keep things light:

Be patient: These are new skills, and toddlers may need verbal and physical guidance at first.
Track small wins: Let them mark off each task with stickers or ticks.
Use positive reinforcement: Praise, rewards, or a star chart can help. Maybe a little prize for one night completed, and a bigger reward for five nights in a row!

4. Dr Golly’s ideal bedtime routine consists of eight steps.

Every family’s steps will be different—some may include prayer, eczema cream, or even small household chores for older toddlers. But his standard routine, which works for most families, goes like this:

1. Eat dinner
2. Bath
3. PJs
4. Brush teeth
5. Toilet
6. Book
7. Kiss and cuddle
8. Sleep (ideally independently)

You can download a free copy of Dr Golly’s Toddler Bedtime routine here.

5. Stick to the same order every night (well, as much as possible—these are toddlers, after all).

The routine works best if it follows the steps in the same sequence each night. That being said, it’s not a disaster if your toddler goes to the toilet before brushing their teeth. Aim for a natural order that suits your household.

6. Avoid screens well before bedtime.

Dr Golly doesn’t recommend any screen time in the two hours before bed. The goal is to keep things calm and help your toddler wind down.

7. When things have gone sideways, prioritize your bedtime.

Both the actual time you put your child to bed and the routine itself matter, but if you have to choose, a consistent bedtime is more important than squeezing in every step of the routine. Don’t push bedtime back just to fit it all in. If you’re short on time, move through the steps a little quicker—without rushing—so everyone stays relaxed.

8. You don’t have to use the visual bedtime chart forever.

Most families use it for a few weeks until habits form. Then it becomes part of everyday life. If things go off track (which is totally normal), you can bring it back out to reinforce expectations.

Want more advice like this?
If your tot won’t fall asleep without you, you’re far from the exception—this is very common. Dr Golly’s Toddler Sleep Program has all the gentle strategies to help your child develop healthy, independent sleep habits, so you can have your evenings back

If you were to take a safari to the landscape of motherhood, moms of middle schoolers and high schoolers would be the big cats—sleek and sure-footed. Moms of elementary schoolers and preschoolers would be the herd animals—finding strength in numbers and able to pivot directions on a dime. And those of us who are moms of toddlers? We’re for sure the monkeys, relying on our silliness and our noise levels to hold our kids’ attentions, and also frequently covered in poo. While it may seem that we lose in the hierarchy of mom life, in reality, we’re the winners. Keep reading to find out why being the mom of a toddler rules—tantrums notwithstanding.

1. Zero Inhibitions. Grocery store DJ playing your favorite song on aisle 9? Your toddler’s there for you. When older kids run away from potentially embarrassing situations, your toddler is your number-one wingman.

2. Knee Hugs. Is there anything better than feeling little arms wrap around your knees when you least expect it? No one but a toddler can give a knee hug, and it’s hard to beat.

3. Naps. When toddlers are up, we’re on, which is why they’re not the only ones who need that afternoon nap to get through the rest of the day. Whether you can eek out a nap of your own or just take care of business while your little one is down, we can all agree that a toddler nap is pretty epic.

4. Laugh-Crying. Anyone who’s ever watched Steel Magnolias knows that the best emotion is when you start to laugh while you’re crying. And your toddler is a pro at it.

5. Snuggles. Toddlers are still small enough to hold, and there’s no place they’d rather be at the end of the day than snuggled up in your arms.

6. Five-Point Restraints. For real. When your toddler is losing her mind, it’s still perfectly acceptable to plug her into a stroller or car seat that still comes with a five-point restraint. Many a parent of a tween wishes they still had that capability.

7. Gift Euphoria. They don’t care if it’s an impossible-to-find electronic device. Toddlers are equally excited to receive a pack of stickers as they are an Amazon Fire. The pièce de résistance? The cardboard box their gift comes in.

8. Cabbage Knees. What is it about toddlers’ knees that makes them dimple like that? When you’re a toddler mom, you can tickle those cabbage knees any time you want.

9. That Top-of-Head Smell. Not to get all weird on you, but a toddler’s smell—especially after a bath—could be bottled and sold. When you’re a mom to a toddler, you get to sniff the tops of their clean heads as much as you want.

10. Children’s Books. When you have a toddler, you get to read happy books about everything interesting in the world.

11. Being a Place. Toddlers don’t see their moms as just people, if they recognize us as humans at all. Moms are places for them—safe places—to run to when something is wrong, or scary, or unfair. Just being there is important to them, and it’s such an uncomplicated gift to offer.

12. Watching a Sense of Humor Develop. When your baby becomes a toddler, their language and grasp of the world around them explode. You get to watch as their sense of humor develops out of so much perceived chaos, and giggle along with them.

13. Finding Your Tribe. There’s something about the bond of mothers navigating toddlerhood together that lasts. Whether it’s navigating new experiences or sharing the burden of carpools and creating incremental spaces of free time for one another, moms of toddlers find their people and stick with them.

Dr. Jennifer Selegeon, a practicing pediatrician for 20 years and clinical advisor to the digital pediatric platform ParentMD, says, “One of the most important things we can do for our overall health is learning good sleep hygiene. This starts during infancy.” She explains that sleep is important for our development, our mental health, our immune system, and our body systems.

Co-founder of Sleepy Planet Parenting, Jennifer Waldburger, MSW, concurs, explaining that proper shut-eye helps babies thrive on every level: physically, neurologically, and socially. That’s why her company’s mission is to help children “learn good sleep skills with a minimum of tears.”

So now that we’ve met our guides, let’s dig into exactly why babies cry in their sleep and suggestions for what to do when you hear those midnight calls.

1. Your baby is moving into a different phase of sleep.

You’re feeling ready for the different phases your baby will go through during infancy, but how about the different sleep phases? Young babies experience two cycles of sleep: active sleep and quiet sleep. During active sleep (or REM sleep), your baby may dream, their eyes might move rapidly back and forth, or they might make the cutest of noises that you should definitely record to share with the grandparents on Tinybeans. During quiet sleep, your baby sleeps deeply, but it’s during these transitions that crying may occur, Waldburger explains.

“Because the cycles repeat every 45-50 minutes, that means baby is shifting from quiet to active sleep often throughout the night,” Waldburger begins, “so it’s not uncommon to hear baby whimpering throughout the night—this is nothing to worry about.” Dr. Segeleon says babies will often cry in their sleep, and this does not always mean that something is wrong. “Crying during sleep can be perfectly normal, and newborns start off with short sleep cycles and can wake frequently.”

To determine if your baby is crying because of shifting sleep cycles, check to see if their eyes are still closed and listen to your little one’s cries. “What’s more common in some younger babies is an occasional light whimper while keeping their eyes closed. This usually means that baby is shifting from one sleep cycle to the next,” Waldburger says.

2. Your baby is hungry.

Waldburger says if your little one’s cry is louder than a whimper, consider whether or not your baby could be hungry. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) says that most babies need to eat every 2 to 4 hours. This means that your little one may wake up feeling a little “hangry” several times during the night.

A good rule when trying to decide if your baby’s sleepy cry is due to hunger and should be addressed is to wait and see if your little one continues to cry or is able to settle down quickly. If your infant’s belly is feeling empty, it’ll be tough for them to fall back asleep without this need being met. Waldburger says a louder cry usually means that the baby is awake (or almost awake), even if their eyes are still closed. That’s when it’s time to check your schedule and prep for a feeding session.

3. Your baby is teething.

The drool, the crankiness, and the gnawing on your shirt collar have begun—your baby is teething. Babies start teething around 4 to 8 months of age, per the Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles. This lasts until 30-36 months when that last set of molars appears. Some symptoms of your baby teething are loss of appetite, ear rubbing, and yup, you guessed it… sleep disruptions. Dr. Segeleon reassures that teething can trigger crying during sleep, and Waldburger adds that when it comes to teething, we differentiate between ongoing/chronic teething and active teething.

“In chronic teething, there can be some movement of teeth with small spikes of pain or discomfort,” she says. She goes on to explain that this kind of teething could lead to lighter crying, and there isn’t anything you need to do here. In active teething, however, when a tooth is breaking through the gum, this pain can cause your child to cry more intensely. During this type of crying, your kiddo’s eyes will more than likely be open (and they’ll be awake), so Waldburger suggests going to your baby right away to offer comfort, milk, or a pain reliever if your pediatrician has recommended that and guided you on the dosage.

4. Your baby is in a sleep regression.

Your baby was such a good sleeper that you were almost too embarrassed to tell your mom friends. Now, out of the blue, your super-sleeper is waking up and crying more often than you reheat your morning coffee. Sleep regression can be triggered when your infant reaches new milestones or when your baby’s sleep patterns change, according to the Cleveland Clinic. Crying and fussing while sleeping during a sleep regression is common, and it can be hard to tell if baby needs your comfort or needs space to self-soothe.

“Crying during sleep when nothing is really wrong should be short and is typically more of a whimper or brief crying out,” Dr. Selegeon says. As long as you know that the baby’s needs are met, you can wait a few minutes or more to see if they’re able to settle themselves without any intervention. Dr. Selegeon says that if the crying is sustained, or if it sounds like your baby may be in distress, it’s alright to check on them. If you’re still not sure how to handle your baby’s sleepy cries during a sleep regression, talk to your pediatrician to decide whether or not your baby is old enough to learn how to self-soothe to fall back to sleep on their own (at which point you can consider sleep training) or if they still need your comfort when falling asleep.

5. Your baby is overtired or overstimulated.

When your baby crosses over into the world of The Overtired, it can feel like you’re in a weird world of your own. Schedule changes, long periods without power naps, or being overstimulated can all contribute to this state, and you might hear some sleep-crying from your infant even though their eyes are shut tight and you believe them to be asleep. “Sometimes overtired babies are more likely to cry a bit in their sleep,” Waldburger says.

Since overtiredness (and overstimulation) can both cause your baby to cry in their sleep, do your best to intervene early. “Try to get baby down for sleep 10 to 15 minutes before you typically see red eyes, yawning, and fussy behavior—all of which are actually cues that baby is already overtired,” Waldburger says.

What should you do when your baby cries in their sleep?

Hearing your baby whimper, cry, or softly moan while sleeping can be unsettling. As parents, we can struggle with how best to comfort and support our infants. Dr. Segeleon says if you hear your baby crying in their sleep to first take a pause and see if they can settle themselves before you rush in and disturb their sleep pattern. “Listen for signs of true distress, because you’ll learn to differentiate your baby’s cries and needs with time and experience,” she assures. You can also double-check the room temperature, make sure your baby’s swaddle is still, well… swaddled, or confirm your little one isn’t gassy.

Waldburger reminds parents that if the baby is lightly whimpering and still asleep, there’s absolutely nothing you need to do. “Sometimes trying to comfort a baby in this case will wake them all the way up—making it harder for them to return to sleep.” If your baby’s needs have been met and they still continue crying lightly for 5 to 10 minutes, try placing a hand on your baby’s tummy, use some very gentle motion, and offer a “shhh” or two.

It’s good for parenting peace of mind to know that most babies will outgrow this sleep-crying phase by the time they’re 4 to 5 months old. In the meantime, both experts say that if you have any questions or concerns about your little one crying in their sleep, contact your pediatrician for more advice.

1. Swim Alone

“Never allow a child to swim alone, no matter how old. This one is definitely at the top of my list of things I’d never let my child do. As a pediatric emergency medicine [doctor], I have seen drowning in children of all ages in all types of bodies of water—deep and shallow,” says Dr. Christina Johns, Senior Medical Advisor at PM Pediatric Care.

Refusing to let your kids swim alone might make you as popular as the Grinch at Christmas, but statistics back up this rule. According to the Centers for Disease Control, drowning in a pool, body of water, or bathtub is the leading cause of death in children aged 1-4 and the second leading cause of death for children aged 5-14. 

Related: 5 Pool Toys a Pediatrician Mom Would Never Buy

The tween in your life might argue that they’ll wear a life jacket, but stand your ground. Life jackets (also called Personal Flotation Devices or PFDs) are (literal) lifesavers. However, if you’re alone, it’s still possible to drown while wearing one. According to CDR Kim Pickens, U. S. Coast Guard Reserve Operation BoatSmart Project Officer, in the article The Other 20%–When Wearing a Life Jacket Is Not Enough, “the more comfortable PFDs—those labeled as Type III or some Type V PFDs—will not turn an unconscious victim face up, at least not consistently. What most such PFDs will do (all but manually activated inflatables) is bring the person, whether unconscious or not, back up to the surface, enabling those nearby to quickly bring the victim to safety.” But that will only work if there’s someone around to get the tween’s face out of the water.

Bottom line: Supervise your crew when they swim, use life jackets in large bodies of water, and make sure the junior paddleboarders and canoers in your life always go out in a group.

2. Go Helmetless

“My child always wears a helmet when biking, roller skating, and skiing to protect her from head injury. As a pediatric EM physician and head injury researcher, I see the very serious consequences of unhelmeted head injuries and am vigilant in protecting my daughter (and her brain) from preventable injury,” says Angela Lumba-Brown, MD, pediatric emergency medicine physician at Stanford Medicine Children’s Health. 

With more than 26,000 children visiting an ER yearly for head injuries, wearing a helmet is a no-brainer. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, “Wearing a helmet can decrease the risk of head injuries by about 85% and facial injuries by about 65% among bicyclists.” Wearing a helmet is like using a seatbelt. You hope never to need it, but you’ll be grateful it’s there in an accident. 

Children are less likely to complain if their caregivers are wearing helmets too. Adaira Landry, MD, MEd, emergency medicine at Brigham and Women’s Hospital and Assistant Professor at Harvard Medical School, gets the whole family involved in safety. “We always ride bikes and scooters with helmets. This risk of head and face injury is nonzero for young kids who are still learning balance and speed,” she says.  

The US Consumer Product Safety Commission recommends using specialized helmets. Buying multiple helmets might sound like overkill, but activity-specific head gear “protect[s] your head from the kind of impacts typically associated with a particular activity or sport.” In other words, a bike helmet won’t protect your little hockey hero from a puck to the head. So get the right tool for the job.

Bottom line: As Dr. Landry says, “When it comes to raising adventurous children, there is a balance between excitement and risk. I want my kids to be daring and face challenges—and that can be done safely.” Helmets keep kids safe and are cheaper than reconstructive surgery.

3. Ride Forward Facing in a Car Before Age 3

“I would never let my two-year-old toddler ride in a forward-facing car seat–all babies and young toddlers should be in a rear-facing car seat up until they’re three years old or until they reach the weight and height max of their seat. Despite their cries and protest, keeping them rear-facing may mean the difference between life and death in an accident,” says Alok Patel, MD, a pediatric hospitalist at Stanford Medicine Children’s Health.

Car accidents are the second leading cause of death in children aged 1-4, after drowning. National Safety Counsel advises drivers to keep “…3-year-olds in rear-facing car seats for as long as possible. Once children outgrow the height or weight limit for their rear-facing car seat, they should ride in forward-facing car seats with a harness and tether.”

Bottom Line: Don’t switch to a forward-facing car seat too soon.

4. Get within Reach of Hot Liquids

“When my children were toddlers, I was pretty vigilant about scald burns from hot coffee and soup. I had my antennae up all the time, with my eyes constantly darting back and forth between the child and the hot beverage,” says Alan Schroeder, MD, pediatric critical care physician at Stanford Medicine Children’s Health.

According to the American Burn Association, “In children under five years of age, approximately 27-60% of scalds occur from cups/mugs/tableware containing hot liquids; most commonly from a pull-down (48%) or spill (32%) mechanism.”

Small children lack the lived experience and impulse control to prevent a scalding injury. Add in immature motor skills, and you have an accident just waiting to happen. Young children also have thinner dermal layers than adults and will sustain a more severe burn at a lower temperature. Scald burns make up 35% of overall burn injuries admitted to U.S. burn centers; of that number, 61% are in children under five years old. 

Most of us would never leave hot food or drinks within reach of an unsupervised toddler. But if you have a tablecloth or table runner, Daddy’s coffee is just one pull away. Consider packing these items away until the kiddos are a little older.

Bottom line: The U.S. Fire Administration advises parents and caregivers to keep children three feet away from anything that can get hot.

5. Drive (or Ride on) an All Terrain Vehicle (ATV)

“I’d never let my child ride an ATV (especially without a helmet and full body protective padding, which I see all too often). Unfortunately, very young children, even under 10, operate these vehicles, which can cause major traumatic injury in the blink of an eye,” says Dr. Johns.

We get it; there’s nothing quite as thrilling as racing across a field in an ATV. And it can seem like harmless fun if you keep your little speedster on a deserted stretch of road. But the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that children under 16 not be allowed to operate them. ATVs have killed thousands of kids and seriously injured at least a million more. Adult ATVs can weigh almost 600 lbs; the lightest youth-sized ATVs clock in at a little over two 200 lbs. That’s too much machine for your average nine-year-old to control.

Driving an ATV safely requires the same skill level and quick thinking as any other motor vehicle. If you wouldn’t let your tween drive the family car, don’t let them get behind the wheel of an ATV.

Bottom line: Dr. Johns’ verdict is that ATVs are “Too much of a risk for too little a reward, says the pediatric emergency medicine physician, me!”

Related: 5 Pool Products a Pediatrician Mom Would Never Buy

Newborns can do some unusual things that are, in fact, totally normal. The fourth trimester is especially full of developmental shifts, and you might wonder if you should freak out when your baby looks at you crossed-eyed or just roll with it. As babies grow and change, so do their bodies, which is why we’ve listed the unexpected things babies do that you should know about. This way you can take these 10 things off your “worry to-do list” and relax a little more into the joy of parenting your little one.

1. Lose hair

If your newborn’s hairline is losing inches or you’ve noticed your baby has a bald spot, don’t worry—there’s no need to sign your little one up for the Baby Hair Loss Club. It’s actually perfectly normal for infants to lose some or even all of their hair in the first months of their life. According to HealthyChildren.org, your baby’s hair will fall out before the mature hair comes in, so hair loss occurring in the first 6 months generally isn’t a cause for concern.

2. Produce record-breaking hiccups

Watching your baby’s entire body jump when their hiccups start can be, well… startling. While these can look uncomfortable for your infant to endure, the Cleveland Clinic reassures that hiccups usually don’t bother babies and they’re especially common in newborns and infants. Hiccups are most likely caused by irritation to the diaphragm, and when this muscle spasms or cramps, we get the hiccups. The Cleveland Clinic suggests changing feeding positions, burping more frequently, or using a pacifier as the sucking motion to help calm the diaphragm.

3. Poop strange colors

Who knew observing our baby’s poop would occupy so much of our parental brains? (I sure didn’t.) When you first see your baby poop a fine shade of green, you might wonder if that’s totally normal. The Children’s Hospital of Colorado says common stool colors are any shade of brown, tan, yellow, or green. If you see poop that looks red, black, or white, talk to your pediatrician. It’s true, when your baby starts eating solid foods, their poop can change colors, but with any change, it’s good to check in with your doctor.

4. Break out like a teenager

We all hope our kids don’t grow up too fast, so what happens when your newborn’s face suddenly looks like a teenager’s? Around two weeks old, your baby can have a type of acne called “neonatal acne.” And according to the American Academy of Dermatology Association, 20% of newborns have this type of breakout, and you’ll notice tiny red bumps on their cheeks and nose. FYI: it can appear on their forehead, chin, scalp, and neck, too. This is totally normal and should go away on its own in a few weeks to a few months.

5. Make strange noises

Snorty, sniffly, and coughy may sound like names of Snow White’s friends, but, in fact, they’re a few of the peculiar sounds your baby can make. Texas Children’s explains one common noisemaker is caused by floppy tissue falling over the voice box and partially blocking the airway when a child breathes in. This is called “laryngomalacia” and is usually harmless. All the snorts and snarrfles your baby makes are common for their developing bodies, but if a strange snuffle gives you pause, remember you can always contact your pediatrician to explain your concern.

6. Rock and roll their head

If your child looks like they’re dreaming about heavy metal music with all their head-banging as they fall asleep, well… there’s a better explanation. Body rocking, head rolling, and head banging are ordinary ways for children to self-soothe. According to the Cleveland Clinic, these are common ways for kids to fall asleep and usually begin around the age of 6 months and can last into toddlerhood. The movement will appear repetitive, and babies do this because it feels rhythmic and comforting—like they felt in their mother’s womb.

If you feel your child’s head banging or head rolling is particularly intense or it’s causing injury, it’s a good idea to call your pediatrician. (You can even email them a short video.) And the Cleveland Clinic says, “Parents of certain children with other health issues—including developmental delay, neurological or psychological problems, autism spectrum disorder, or those who are blind—will need to be watchful of these behaviors, as they can (though rarely) lead to injury.”

7. Shed their skin

No, your baby is not part lizard, but it is weird to see small pieces of skin flake off their tiny bodies. Not to worry as The Mayo Clinic says it’s totally common for the top layer of a newborn’s skin to flake off shortly after birth. This is why you might notice dry peeling skin for the first few weeks of your little one’s life. This usually resolves on its own, and there are even home remedies to help like oatmeal baths and hypoallergenic lotions.

8. Experience sudden, jerky movements

Ever look at your baby only to think they suddenly seem like an outlandish symphony conductor from a Warner Bros. cartoon? If you’ve spotted your newborn’s arms flailing along with their head moving back suddenly and their legs extending out, this is standard for infants. According to the National Library of Medicine, the Moro (or startle) Reflex, is a normal involuntary protective motor response against abrupt disruption of body balance or extremely sudden stimulation. Basically, this occurs when your baby is surprised by a sound or movement. Swaddling your baby can help limit their response (should you need extra support), and by six months they should outgrow it.

9. Appear cross-eyed

While gazing lovingly into your newborn’s eyes, you might be surprised to find them staring back at you—cross-eyed. Take a breath and know that this is totally fine as it’s normal for an infant to appear cross-eyed for the first few months. The American Academy of Ophthalmology calls this “pseudostrabismus” and explains it’s common in babies from birth until about 18 months. Underdeveloped eye coordination and a baby’s growing facial features can contribute to your little one looking cross-eyed, but pseudostrabismus will improve over time. If you notice your little one’s eyes pointing in different directions (one eye looking straight ahead while the other turns in, out, up, or down) this is called “strabismus.” This condition can affect vision so an ophthalmologist should be consulted for treatment options.

10. Breathe weirdly

Babies breathe differently than adults. So, while you’re marveling at your sleeping newborn and you notice your little one’s breathing has increased or even stops breathing for several seconds, this is actually a thing. It’s called “periodic breathing,” and it means a baby’s breathing may not always be regular. Stanford Medicine Children’s Health says a newborn’s normal breathing rate is about 40 to 60 times per minute, and this may slow to 30 to 40 times per minute when the baby is sleeping. Periodic breathing will happen less as your baby grows and by the six-month mark, this phase should pass.

As you can see, babies do some weird stuff. But it’s good to know so much of the weirdness is a normal developmental progression for your little one. Always remember, you know your baby best, so, if at any time you want to clarify a concern about a new movement, grunt, or breathing habit, don’t hesitate to contact your doctor for help and support.

@the.mama.coach

The trick to better baby sleep? The diaper! You read that right! Let me know what you think and somenof your favourite baby sleep hacks! #newbaby #newmama #sleepybaby #babysleeptips #babysleephacks #babysleep #parentingtips #babytips

♬ original sound – Carrie Bruno RN, IBCLC, MSCP

Her suggestion is simple. She recommends changing your child’s diaper right after a feeding. Before shaking your head, consider her logic: “Most parents look at me like I have lost my mind, but it will help your baby sleep longer stretches. Let me tell you why. If you are using the principles of effective feeding, meaning you’ve watched for those big sucks and swallows and you end the feed before your baby falls asleep, that is helping move feeding away from sleep.” In other words, your baby will stop associating eating with sleeping.

Bruno explains that putting your baby back in their crib or bassinet while awake teaches them to recognize their surroundings. When they wake up after a sleep cycle, they’ll know where they are and (eventually) understand it’s still time to sleep, not get up and eat.

“Imagine if you went to sleep in your bedroom and woke up on the front lawn. It would be very startling. Your baby is the same way. If you feed them all the way to sleep or even to drowsy (stage one of sleep) and put them in their crib, they’ll be startled when they wake. And all babies wake in between sleep cycles. So if you do the extra step—change their diaper and put them in their crib—they might need help, and that’s okay—you shush them, pet their bum, stay with them till they fall asleep, you will see your baby sleep longer stretches,” she says.

Related: Baby Sleep Coach Shares Her Top Tips for Stopping 5 A.M. Wake-Ups

At a certain point past the newborn stage, allowing a baby to fall asleep during feeding causes issues like sucking to sleep association, the inability to self-soothe, and ongoing disrupted sleep for both the baby and the infant, per VeryWell Family. This is why Bruno’s tip is essential: “It teaches your baby to feed when they’re hungry and sleep when they’re tired. I am a huge proponent of changing the diaper after feeds because it makes a difference. So try it. Try it for a few nights and see what happens,” she says. We say, why not?

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Ditty Co. Crossbody Diaper Bag

Yes, actually, we would love a cute crossbody that also doubles as a mini diaper bag. For short trips, quick changes, and times you just don't want to haul the whole nursery around with you. Available in 3 colors.

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Fisher-Price On the Go Baby Dome

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BabbleRoo 6-in-1 Baby & Toddler Carrier

Sure, you know all about baby carriers, but what about one that'll actually grow with your little one? Babbleroo's new Baby & Toddler Carrier features 6 carrying positions, supporting babes from 3-24 months, extra storage, and maximum comfort for you both. For a limited time, take 20% off with code GROW20!

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Dr. Brown's 2-in-1 Dry & Prep Silicone Mat

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Fisher-Price 4-In-1 Sling ‘N Seat Tub

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Babyletto Kiwi Electronic Power Recliner & Swivel Glide

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“Can you ever imagine saying to your kid: ‘This is your last warning. If you run into oncoming traffic again, you’re losing your iPad for the week,'” says parenting expert and clinical psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy (known to the world as “Dr. Becky”) in a recent Instagram post. That scenario is ridiculous, and of course, you’d never react this way. “We would pick up our kids. We would not let them run into oncoming traffic again. So why do we set our kids up for failure and set ourselves up for frustration?”

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Instead of warning our kids not to do the bad behavior again, Dr. Kennedy suggests that a better way to address the situation is to use the phrase: “I won’t let you.” For example, if your child is repeatedly throwing that ball, you’d say: “Hey you’re having a hard time having that ball and not throwing it inside the house. I am taking it; I am putting it away. In a little bit, we can go outside and throw the ball. I will not let you throw it in here again.” (You could sub in other things here, like removing a remote or plug, if there’s a TV battle, or the item of food or bowl they keep throwing.)

“I’m saying ‘I won’t let you‘ not because I want to be a dictator to my kid, but because I want to protect my kid from having another version of this bad behavior [and] feeling frustrated,” explains Dr. Kennedy. The “warnings” approach encourages that kind of endless loop. The “not letting” response, on the other hand, stops the behavior and also prevents you from having to enforce a punishment that you don’t want to—like taking away their iPad privileges (i.e., everyone loses).

“[The] alternative to warnings [is] embodying your authority, setting a boundary, and intervening earlier. It is better for everyone.” Does this mean you’ll always be 100 percent successful? Nope. Does it mean you’ll miraculously avoid a tantrum? Also no. But it’s definitely worth trying to save yourself another round of threats and additional disciplinary action.

With that in mind, we asked therapists to offer their thoughts on how parents should deal with kids talking back. In hopes of ensuring everyone emerges from this stage of parenting with their nerves intact, here are six phrases to avoid using with a kid who backtalks (and what to say instead).

1. “Because I said so..”

We’ve all heard this before, even from our own parents at one point or another. Sometimes it’s easier to use this phrase because it puts a dead end to the conversation. However, it doesn’t provide any reason or clarification for why you gave the instruction you did.

“This approach completely disregards and invalidates your teens’ feelings about the situation which will only escalate their frustrations more. Giving them a reason for why you are saying no and then also opening the door for further communication about the issue will give your child the opportunity to feel heard and to express their feelings,” says Nicholette Leanza, LPCC-S, a therapist at LifeStance Health.

Let’s say, for example, you don’t want your teen to go out with friends who might not be a positive influence. Instead of saying “Because I said so,” you may want to say something along the lines of “I’m not sure I’m comfortable with you going out with this group of friends. Can we talk about it?”

2. “You can’t talk to me like that.”

This might be a knee-jerk response when your kiddo comes at you with attitude or starts talking back, but you want to try your best to avoid saying this. “When you acknowledge your teen’s frustration or anger, they will feel heard and, hopefully, this will help to notch down the intensity of their emotion. It’s also important to set a boundary with them so they know the expectation is that they approach you respectfully. Don’t forget that when you show them respect, they’ll reflect it back to you,” says Leanza.

For example, instead of saying, “You can’t talk to me like that” try to say something like “I can see that you are angry, but I need you to talk to me in a respectful way.”

3. “You’re being ridiculous.”

Just because your child is saying something that seems trivial, it’s important to remember that their current experience and feelings are very real to them. “This response can make a child feel ashamed or embarrassed for expressing their emotions, so it is crucial that they receive validation even if their behaviors don’t agree with yours,” says Carly Kaufman, MPH, M.Ed, board-certified functional medicine health coach and co-founder of GRYT. Instead, try understanding their perspectives and find solutions together.

A more helpful alternative would be to say something like, “Let’s talk about ways we can work together to find a solution.” According to Kaufman, this response shows your willingness to listen and collaborate toward finding a solution while still setting boundaries and expectations.

4. “You are my child.”

This is one of the last things a kid or tween wants to hear when they are frustrated with their parents. “Responding with ‘I am your parent, you are my child’ can create an unhealthy power dynamic between parent and child that leads to them feeling powerless. Instead of adopting such an approach, try explaining your reasoning while acknowledging their perspective as much as possible,” says Kaufman.

A more helpful statement might include, “I understand your viewpoint, but this issue cannot be discussed further.” Kaufman says this phrase acknowledges your child’s thoughts while maintaining boundaries and expectations between you both.

5. “You’re too young to understand.”

Reena B. Patel, a positive psychologist, and licensed educational board-certified behavior analyst, says that this statement can come across as dismissive and condescending to children with a sassy attitude or sassy teenagers, dissuading them from further interactions with you in future discussions.

A more helpful statement would be more along the lines of “What would be an equitable solution to this situation?” “This statement helps children solve problems while taking responsibility for their actions while encouraging cooperation and compromise,” says Patel.

6. “Whatever.”

As an adult, you have the tools to communicate more effectively than saying “whatever.” “Respond to the emotion, not the verbal content. Responding to the anger and frustration behind the words addresses the core feeling and will help you to calm yourself down before you respond,” says Jeanette Lorandini, LCSW and founder of Suffolk DBT.

A more helpful response would be, “I hear that you’re angry. I’m here for you and will always love you. When you’re ready, let’s talk about what’s upsetting you.” According to Lorandini, this shows them you are in control of your emotions, you are a safe space, and you are there to listen when they calm down.

Related: How to Help Kids Express Their Feelings At Every Age

The study followed 1,471 children, half male and half female, and measured their viewing of television or video at 12 months, 18 months, and 24 months of age. This was followed up with a measure of sensory processing at around 33 months, when caregivers filled out surveys about each toddler’s reaction to sensory inputs like lights, textures, and noises.

Babies who watched any television or videos at 12 months of age were twice as likely to experience challenges in processing sensory information appropriately, as compared with their peers. At 18 months, kids with higher levels of screen exposure were found to have both difficulties in processing sensory information as well as a higher motivation to avoid sensory exposure. By 24 months, the researchers saw higher screen time linked to sensation seeking, sensory sensitivity, and sensation-avoiding behaviors.

This comes on the heels of another recent study linking screen time to developmental delays in children. However, the causal relationship between screen time and these negative developmental and sensory outcomes can’t be proven at this time. “Further research is needed to understand the relationship between screen time and specific sensory-related developmental and behavioral outcomes, and whether minimizing early-life exposure can improve subsequent sensory-related outcomes,” says the JAMA Pediatrics study. It’s also important to gather more updated data, since this research started a decade ago when kids were more likely to be watching TV or DVDs rather than tablets or mom’s phone.

“Considering this link between high screen time and a growing list of developmental and behavioral problems, it may be beneficial for toddlers exhibiting these symptoms to undergo a period of screen time reduction, along with sensory processing practices delivered by occupational therapists,” lead author Dr. Karen Heffler, an associate professor of psychiatry in Drexel’s College of Medicine, said in a statement.

Now, we know what some of you may be thinking: Oh great, another study telling me I’m messing up and can’t rely on screen time? But even study researchers wouldn’t take that away from you. The bottom line is, if you think you’re relying on TV time a bit too heavily, try to dial it back. And make sure to mix in lots of family time playing with your baby face-to-face, showing them a wide range of emotions and expressions, reading to them, and engaging with toys. It’s all about balance.