With that in mind, we asked therapists to offer their thoughts on how parents should deal with kids talking back. In hopes of ensuring everyone emerges from this stage of parenting with their nerves intact, here are six phrases to avoid using with a kid who backtalks (and what to say instead).

1. “Because I said so..”

We’ve all heard this before, even from our own parents at one point or another. Sometimes it’s easier to use this phrase because it puts a dead end to the conversation. However, it doesn’t provide any reason or clarification for why you gave the instruction you did.

“This approach completely disregards and invalidates your teens’ feelings about the situation which will only escalate their frustrations more. Giving them a reason for why you are saying no and then also opening the door for further communication about the issue will give your child the opportunity to feel heard and to express their feelings,” says Nicholette Leanza, LPCC-S, a therapist at LifeStance Health.

Let’s say, for example, you don’t want your teen to go out with friends who might not be a positive influence. Instead of saying “Because I said so,” you may want to say something along the lines of “I’m not sure I’m comfortable with you going out with this group of friends. Can we talk about it?”

2. “You can’t talk to me like that.”

This might be a knee-jerk response when your kiddo comes at you with attitude or starts talking back, but you want to try your best to avoid saying this. “When you acknowledge your teen’s frustration or anger, they will feel heard and, hopefully, this will help to notch down the intensity of their emotion. It’s also important to set a boundary with them so they know the expectation is that they approach you respectfully. Don’t forget that when you show them respect, they’ll reflect it back to you,” says Leanza.

For example, instead of saying, “You can’t talk to me like that” try to say something like “I can see that you are angry, but I need you to talk to me in a respectful way.”

3. “You’re being ridiculous.”

Just because your child is saying something that seems trivial, it’s important to remember that their current experience and feelings are very real to them. “This response can make a child feel ashamed or embarrassed for expressing their emotions, so it is crucial that they receive validation even if their behaviors don’t agree with yours,” says Carly Kaufman, MPH, M.Ed, board-certified functional medicine health coach and co-founder of GRYT. Instead, try understanding their perspectives and find solutions together.

A more helpful alternative would be to say something like, “Let’s talk about ways we can work together to find a solution.” According to Kaufman, this response shows your willingness to listen and collaborate toward finding a solution while still setting boundaries and expectations.

4. “You are my child.”

This is one of the last things a kid or tween wants to hear when they are frustrated with their parents. “Responding with ‘I am your parent, you are my child’ can create an unhealthy power dynamic between parent and child that leads to them feeling powerless. Instead of adopting such an approach, try explaining your reasoning while acknowledging their perspective as much as possible,” says Kaufman.

A more helpful statement might include, “I understand your viewpoint, but this issue cannot be discussed further.” Kaufman says this phrase acknowledges your child’s thoughts while maintaining boundaries and expectations between you both.

5. “You’re too young to understand.”

Reena B. Patel, a positive psychologist, and licensed educational board-certified behavior analyst, says that this statement can come across as dismissive and condescending to children with a sassy attitude or sassy teenagers, dissuading them from further interactions with you in future discussions.

A more helpful statement would be more along the lines of “What would be an equitable solution to this situation?” “This statement helps children solve problems while taking responsibility for their actions while encouraging cooperation and compromise,” says Patel.

6. “Whatever.”

As an adult, you have the tools to communicate more effectively than saying “whatever.” “Respond to the emotion, not the verbal content. Responding to the anger and frustration behind the words addresses the core feeling and will help you to calm yourself down before you respond,” says Jeanette Lorandini, LCSW and founder of Suffolk DBT.

A more helpful response would be, “I hear that you’re angry. I’m here for you and will always love you. When you’re ready, let’s talk about what’s upsetting you.” According to Lorandini, this shows them you are in control of your emotions, you are a safe space, and you are there to listen when they calm down.

Related: How to Help Kids Express Their Feelings At Every Age

Dr. Hauge-Zavaleta shared the “three yeses” technique in a TikTok video that promptly went viral because it’s pretty much genius.

@drchelsey_parenting

My fave tool for big kids and teens. #drchelsey #positiveparenthood #positiveparenting #guidingcooperation #conscious parenting #gentleparenting #attunement #neurodiversechild #coregulation #parentingtips #parentcoach #moms #momsupport #family #consequences #adhdparenting #regulationtok #coregulationtok

♬ original sound – Dr. Chelsey HaugeZavaleta, PhD

“My favorite parenting tool for big kids or teens is called the three yeses,” she says in the video, then goes on to explain, “Let’s say your big kid or teen is mad, upset, frustrated, pissed off at you, all the things. Maybe you have an idea of what you should say or what the consequence should be, what they should do differently, or how to fix it. Maybe you even want to lecture them.”

She continues, “Hold up! We’re going to do the three yeses instead. This is not a tool that’s going to fix everything, but it is a tool that’s going to create connection and we’re going to use the connection to help your big kid or teen regulate and then resolve the issue on their own.”

The key, Dr. Hauge-Zavaleta explains, is to get out of your own perspective and see things from your child’s perspective. Then, give them three statements they can say yes to from their point of view.

She gives an example: A family goes on an annual vacation to a cabin with their grandparents and teen daughter, who has always been able to bring a friend, but because of a last-minute change of plans, she couldn’t this year. So while the rest of the family plays board games downstairs, she’s sequestered herself in a bedroom, refusing to play or hang out. Mom is over her attitude and wants to unplug the WiFi, but instead, she goes to the bedroom to try the three yeses. Dr. Hauge-Zavaleta shares three statements she might try:

1. Wow, you really wanted to bring a friend.
2. You do not want to go downstairs and play those babyish games.
3. You’re counting the days ’til we go home.

And then, parents, you get to be quiet. “If your big kid doesn’t respond but you can feel in the air that there’s a shift, great,” she explains. “This builds the connection just a little bit.” If you’ve got it wrong, you should own up to the misunderstanding and try to get it right, which still opens the door. At that point, mom can ask, “Okay, what can we do here?” and put the ball in the daughter’s court. The daughter can then decide if she wants to rejoin the family for a game, take some time to chill, or whatever else, all in a calmer state knowing that her parent has connected with her and supports her.

Another example is a teen boy who fails his math test. While the parent’s first instinct is to jump to giving a consequence or upping their tutoring hours, Dr. Hauge-Zavaleta encouraged her to try the three yeses first, something like this:

1. You were thinking that you could not study and the time you spent in class was enough.
2. Yah, you thought you’d be able to pass that test because historically you’ve done OK in math.
3. You’re kind of embarrassed about this whole thing and the grade.

While the son didn’t have a big reaction in the moment, later that night he came over to his mom and said, “I didn’t know you loved me.” What a breakthrough moment for this mom and her kid, who clearly felt the closeness she was trying to create. Yes, he still failed his math test and they’ll have to figure out how to prevent that from happening again, but now they can do it through a lens of love and communication.

Dr. Hauge-Zavaleta explains that the statements and connection create a foundation: The kids feel heard and understood, and the parent opens a door to communicate so they can reach an agreement and better understand each other.

No, it’s not a magic bullet that will solve all communication problems, but it’s a smart strategy worth trying—and all it takes is three simple sentences.

But becoming “too cool” for you is more than an eye-roll at your attempt to hold their hand. Somewhere around nine or ten, parental approval becomes less important. Kids care more about their peers’ opinions—not necessarily more than they care about yours, but more than they cared before. It can be a tightrope walk for both of you. They’re worried about fitting in; you’re worried about being left behind.

But you shouldn’t worry. With more complex emotions and social concerns, they don’t need you in the same way they did as truly little kids. But that natural shift doesn’t mean they’ll immediately melt into a puddle of embarrassment whenever you’re nearby.

That’s because you can “cool-proof” your kids. This starts with accepting that an initial pull-away is basically unavoidable—and can even happen as early as eight years old. If one little jerk is teasing them about mom hugs, and they seek that jerk’s approval (as is age-appropriate), they’re bound to squirm away or shrug you off. This will probably happen more than once, but give it time. Eventually, you want them to roll their eyes at that little jerk, not you. Nurture their self-esteem. Accept them for who they are and help them be the best version of themselves. Don’t force them to fit your wants or expectations. (I wish my oldest hadn’t given up diving, but he would rather rock climb—his call!) If they’re confident in who they are, it won’t keep happening.

But this is a two-way street. Part of “cool-proofing” involves being cool yourself. Are you hugging your kid in public? Good job. Are you haranguing him about his dirty underwear in front of his friends? No bueno. Imagine your child as an adult (I know, it sucks, but they’ll grow up one day). I’d sprint away from someone who shouted, “Make sure you change that shirt! You’ve been wearing it for three days!” in front of my besties. Similarly, you’d hug your spouse in front of his friends, but you wouldn’t harass him for leaving the toilet seat up. Don’t do it to your kid. They can live with you singing along to the radio, as long as you don’t go full operatic. They can’t live with you reprimanding them in front of their friends.

More than remaining chill, you also need to respect them. They will develop their own taste in music and clothing. Yes, it was super fun to dress them. But it’s not your job anymore. You might hate their preferences: I would burn every pair of athletic shorts and Crocs in my house if I could, and with three boys, that would make quite a conflagration. But they see their friends wearing both, and they cling to the fact that those elastic-waist shorts are more comfortable than jeans (regardless of the weather).

At nine, 11, and 13, they get to choose, not me. I don’t complain about their outfits, I don’t roll my eyes when they ask for Hamilton again or demand Led Zeppelin instead of Bowie, and I don’t ridicule Pokémon or Minecraft walk-throughs (why would you watch a video telling you how to play a game? I don’t get it).

Just remember: if you respect your kid and encourage them to become an independent thinker, they won’t pull away for long. They’ll set boundaries. You’ll set boundaries. But they won’t disconnect completely. Treat them with dignity and accept their choices. Don’t roll your eyes. They’ll come back.

While there are plenty of educational, social, and creative benefits to digital screen time, care must be taken to ensure that a child’s digital footprint and online activities are age-appropriate and commensurate with their level of maturity and understanding.

The key to developing healthy online practices is having open and frequent conversations about safety and using the internet responsibly—and initiating these conversations early. “Start talking about online safety with your kids at a young age because it gets harder when they are in their teens, and it becomes more difficult to get between them and their phones,” said Yaron Litwin, digital safety expert and Chief Marketing Officer at Canopy, an AI-powered smart filter that helps protect kids online.

Most experts and parents agree that children shouldn’t have unfettered internet access until at least age 10, but that’s often easier said than done, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Despite the challenges of monitoring your kid’s myriad online activities, some behaviors should be strictly forbidden. For a list of internet safety tips for kids, here are 10 things they should never do online, based on their ages.

Internet Safety Tips for Kids Ages 5 to 8

Don’t have social media profiles: Apps like TikTok and Snapchat may be irresistible to young kids because of the fun social media trends like dance challenges and viral music clips they see older kids creating and participating in, but public social media profiles can open up young children to inappropriate contact, harassment or targeting. The expert consensus is for kids to wait until ages 14 or 15 to create public-facing social media accounts.

Don’t talk to strangers: This advice we often give our kids IRL applies doubly so online because of the dangers of catfishing, trolling, and spoofing. Children should never talk to strangers online, even if the stranger seems friendly. Let your child know in an age-appropriate manner that anyone online can pretend to be someone else, and that predators often target children because of their innocence and openness.

Don’t use the internet without limits or supervision: Screen time has increased exponentially in recent years, especially for young children. Kids need to experience a healthy balance between online and offline activities, and parents can help by establishing clear limits on screen time as well as supervising young children’s online activities.

Related: 10 Reasons Why You Need to Teach Internet Safety to Your Kids

Internet Safety Tips for Kids Ages 8 to 12

Don’t give or share any personal information: In an always-on, digitally connected world, privacy can be challenging to maintain. Children need to learn that personal information—whether it’s their own or family member’s personal information—needs to be held strictly confidential and not shared or given to anyone online. This includes full names, home addresses, phone numbers, school names or locations, passwords, etc. Personal information can be used by predators and criminals to track down children or to commit identity theft. Parents also may want to avoid posting identifiable images of their children online.

Don’t meet up with someone you met exclusively online: Whether it’s on gaming platforms like Roblox or Minecraft, or social messaging apps like WhatsApp, it’s not uncommon for children to develop friendships that are entirely virtual; however, even if your kid has been talking to someone online for a long time and they feel as if they know them well, it’s not safe for kids to meet up in person with online strangers on their own. There’s no way to know for sure who they really are or what their intentions might be.

Don’t cyberbully others: Cyberbullying is just as harmful as bullying in person; it can have a devastating impact on victims. Children should never bully others online, and they should report any cyberbullying they see to a trusted adult.

Related: What to Do When Your Kid Wants a Social Media Account

What to Teach Tweens and Teens About Using the Internet Responsibly

Don’t click links or open attachments from people you don’t know: Unwanted spam that arrives via e-mail or text can be annoying, but trojan horses sent via links or attachments from unknown senders can contain malware and other bugs designed to infect your child’s computer or mobile device and steal personal information or worse. When it comes to stuff that comes from an unknown sender, kids should simply delete it.

Don’t download pirated music, movies, or games: While it may be tempting for your child to download “free” pirated materials from the internet, doing so is illegal and can lead to serious consequences. Copyright holders can pursue legal action, and penalties often are severe. Teach your child how to use legitimate sources to download and purchase movies, music, and games.

Don’t post inappropriate content: Older kids may think posting inappropriate content online is no big deal, but they should be taught never to post anything they wouldn’t want their family, friends, classmates, or teachers (not to mention future employers) to see online. This can include photos, videos, or texts that are sexual in nature, violent, or hateful. It’s useful to remind your tween and teen that everything on the internet is forever.

Internet Safety Tips for Everyone

Don’t believe everything you see or read online: Just because it’s on the internet doesn’t mean it’s true or even real. In our current time, when the digital ecosystem is rife with misinformation, children need to be taught to think critically about the information and materials they find online, and parents can help promote digital media literacy by helping our kids understand what are trusted and reliable sources of information and what’s not.

Related: 10 Cyberbullying Tactics Parents Might Not Know About

@brookejeffymd

3 Things I Wish I Knew as a Teen NOT to tan! I worked at a tanning salon and have since spent a lot of time and money repairing that damage. Now, I just have to sit and wait for my skin cancer because it feels inevitable. Oily skin doesn’t mean you shouldn’t use moisturizer. Lack of moisture can actually cause your skin to produce more oil in an attempt to hydrate itself. Less is more with exfoliating. I remember using all sorts of scrubs and sugar on my face, which was way too harsh. #Dermatologist #Derm #TeenSkincare  #TweenSkincare #SkincareTips #SkincareRoutine #SkincareForBeginners 

♬ original sound – Dr. Brooke Jeffy

1. Tanning

This is Jeffy’s biggest skincare mistake. Not only did she tan, but she worked at a tanning salon and now says she’s spent a lot of time and money fixing the damage done to her skin. “I just have to sit and wait for my skin cancer because it’s coming,” she laments.

And she’s got reason to worry: Hours of lying out in the sun or in a tanning bed have devastating consequences for the skin. The truth is, there’s no such thing as a “safe” tan, according to the Skin Cancer Foundation. One out of every five Americans will develop skin cancer by the age of 70, and if you saw the inside tanning bed before the age of 35, there’s a 75% increase in the risk of developing life-threatening melanoma.

2. Not using a moisturizer on oily skin

With hormones working overtime, many teens have extremely oily skin. But this doesn’t mean they shouldn’t use moisturizer, Jeffy says. “Lack of moisture can cause your skin to produce more oil to attempt to hydrate itself,” she says. In previous TikToks, Jeffy has mentioned that moisturizer is one of the skincare steps teens should embrace while saying no to serums, acids, and most toners.

3. Exfoliating

Despite what’s being marketed to us (ahem, St. Ives), less is more when it comes to exfoliating, Jeffy explains. She says she’s as guilty of this skincare mistake as the rest of us: “I remember using all sorts of scrubs and sugars on my face. Way too harsh.”

What’s extra worrisome right now is that teens are embracing a bunch of unnecessary skincare products. Jeffy has commented on the safety of viral skincare products teens are using, and guess what? Not a single exfoliator or serum gained her approval. So have your kids stick with the three tried-and-true products—face wash, moisturizer, and sunscreen—and they won’t be dealing with as many skincare mistakes and health risks (sunspots, wrinkles, cancer scares) as we olds are today.

Sometimes all you need to do to flip the script is find something you and your child can agree on. “You want to find something in what they’re doing or saying that is ‘validateable,’ explains parenting expert Dr. Lucie Hemmen. “Usually, there is a positive intention underlying most bad behavior. So if you can find that little nugget and validate it, you’re going to start softening the conflict and getting yourself on the same side as your teen.”

@dr.luciehemmen

#conflict #conflictresolution #parenting #mentalhealthmonth #parentingteens #boymom #girlmom

♬ original sound – Dr.LucieHemmen

This situation could play out like this: Your kid wants to go to the concert with her friends, but you aren’t comfortable with that and you’ve said no. They’re arguing that all the other parents are letting their kids go without adult supervision, but this is simply a non-negotiable for you. Dr. Hemmen suggests that you say something like, “I totally get why you would want to do everything your friends are doing. And I totally understand that you want more freedom. The good news is that I want to give you more freedom, just not in this situation. I’ve already made up my mind.”

You are standing firm in your decision, but agreeing that your child should get more freedom (maybe you’re fine with regulated social media, letting them stay home alone for a while, or walking home from school alone). You might follow this up with examples of other ways you’ve given them more freedom (say, browsing the aisles of Target while you shop and letting them trick-or-treat with a group of friends alone).

This is a great way to teach kids the skill of thoughtful arguing. “The reality about human interaction is that our teens need to learn how to argue,” Dr. Hemmen explained in a prior TikTok. “They need to learn how to get in people’s faces, hopefully skillfully, so that they don’t get walked on [and] so that they have a voice in their adult lives.”

Chances are, you aren’t going to get your teen to see your side of an argument. But if they come out of the interaction feeling like you understood their point of view, you are one step closer to a lower-conflict relationship.

According to Mr. Lindsay, our favorite SPED teacher and all-around Gen Z slang word expert, it’s a trend that started around January 2025 and has picked up steam in the last month or so. In a recent Instagram post, Lindsay explains where Italian brainrot comes from, what it is, and how kids are using the terms in their daily conversations.

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A post shared by Philip Lindsay (@mr_phlindsay_sped)

Related: 29 Middle School Slang Words Parents Should Know

What Is Italian Brainrot?

In the simplest terms, Italian brainrot is a series of AI-generated videos and images that blend animals and everyday objects like planes, bananas, and cups of coffee to create what Lindsay explains as “ridiculous characters with ridiculous names. What are the words saying? I don’t know. I don’t speak Italian. I don’t know if they’re saying offensive things, nonsensical things, good things, or bad things. As best I can tell, it’s the epitome of brainrot, which means it is funny, simply because it is so absurd.”

In a recent Forbes article, senior contributor Leslie Katz states that it’s called Italian brainrot because “they’re given rhyming, Italian-sounding names uttered in an exaggerated male text-to-speech voice alongside nonsensical phrases. Some of the names draw from real Italian, while others simply mimic the rhythm of the language.”

These characters have become such a trend that kids have created actual backstories, quizzes, ranking systems, songs, and short video clips of this universe. Some are married, some are enemies, some work together, and some are just there.

@patapimai

The full track has already been released and is available on Spotify Tung tung tung sahur and ballerina cappuccino #tungtungtung #italianbrainrot #ballerina

♬ I am tung tung tung sahur and I love ballerina – PatapimAi

Related: Why Are Kids ‘Mewing’ in Class?

What Are the Most Popular Italian Brainrot Characters?

There are lots of these AI-generated characters floating around the internet, but after a quick look for ourselves and listening to Lindsay’s breakdown, here are a few your kids are probably watching.

Ballerina Cappuccina

This character is a ballerina with, yep, a cappuccino as a head. She’s so popular that Lindsay did a separate video for her.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Philip Lindsay (@mr_phlindsay_sped)

Here’s what he had to say: “Ballerina Cappucina is one of the most popular Italian brainrot characters taking the internet by storm. Let me tell you, she has quite the story. She has had children with and is married to a cappuccino that is also an assassin.” Lindsay elaborates by explaining she’s got a trending sound that tweens and teens are using to “model strut their stuff.”

Bombardiro Crocodilo

This guy is a cross between a crocodile and a vintage warplane.

Tralalero Tralala

This Italian brainrot character was one of the first. He’s a great white shark that wears Nike running shoes on his fins.

Chimpanzini Bananini

He’s a mashup of a chimpanzee and a banana.

Lirili Larila

She’s half elephant, half cactus and wanders around the desert wearing Birkenstock-like sandals.

Tung Tung Tung Sahur

This character is particularly mysterious, but internet pros have determined that “tung tung tung” is a beating drum played in Indonesia during Ramadhan, and Sahur is the meal Muslims eat before the sun comes up during Ramadhan. This AI-generated character is a wood log-looking creature that carries a baseball bat.

Check out this YouTube video for a “ranking” and a better overall idea about some of these characters.

Is Italian Brainrot Bad?

While it does seem to be just good fun and mindless entertainment, according to an article in Parents, teachers and parents are simultaneously trying to figure out what the heck this trend is while recognizing it can be a distraction in the classroom. In the same article, it was noted that some critics raise concerns about kids repeating “gibberish” that might contain offensive language without them knowing.

All in all, it seems that this latest Gen Z and Gen Alpha trend is harmless and fun, but like with all exposure to social media and the internet, it’s best to be upfront with your kids about what they’re watching and repeating and to always be aware of their internet activities.

When does peer pressure begin, and why is it so effective?

Dr. Jenny Woo, founder and CEO of Mind Brain Emotion and creator of the award-winning 52 Essential Social Situations card game, breaks it down: “Peer pressure can begin as early as the preschool years when children are first exposed to peer dynamics outside the family. However, it tends to become much more pronounced and frequent during the preteen and teenage years.” As for why it’s so effective, Dr. Woo says this has to do with the fact that the adolescent brain is still evolving.

Miami-based licensed mental health counselor Nathalie Fleitas agrees, explaining that during this period, the brain undergoes substantial changes. “Particularly in areas responsible for social cognition and emotional processing, which includes the prefrontal cortex, which is involved in decision-making and impulse control, and the limbic system, which regulates emotions and reward processing. As these regions develop, adolescents become more attuned to social cues and more sensitive to peer influence,” she says.

Fleitas adds that preteens and teens are more prone to risk-taking behaviors due to heightened activity in brain regions associated with reward processing. “The presence of peers can amplify this tendency, as adolescents may perceive risky behaviors as a means to gain social approval or enhance their social status,” she says.

New York-based licensed mental health counselor Heiddi Zalamar attributes teasing, bullying, and fear of being ostracized as additional reasons why peer pressure is so effective among kids. “Other things to keep in mind are issues like high sensitivity, (children) not knowing what to say, or (if the child has) a developmental disability,” she says. 

Zalamar also points to social media playing a role in what kids perceive as “cool,” which can lead them toward doing things they’d rather not do. 

Dr. Woo agrees, stating that kids might feel pressured to curate a perfect image online, engage in cyberbullying, or participate in dangerous viral challenges. “24/7 online exposure has made peer pressure constant and inescapable—something many parents didn’t have to navigate growing up,” she says.

Here are some responses kids can use to get out of uncomfortable situations.

“No, I don’t do that.”

“This is a general statement that can shut down any invitation,” says Zalamar. Short and direct, it’s a great first line when pressured to engage in any activity the child would rather not do. And if someone asks why they don’t, the child can choose to respond with their reasons or say it’s no one’s business. This simple phrase may work better with younger kids who won’t face quite as much peer pressure.

“I’m not into that; let’s do [alternative activity] instead.”

Whether being pressured to drink, smoke, or do something else that feels like a bad idea, this response doesn’t just shut down the activity but also opens an opportunity to engage in healthier behaviors. “By suggesting an alternate plan, the child takes control of the situation and steers the attention away from the pressure topic,” says Dr. Woo. 

“No thanks, I’ve got too much on my plate with [school/sports/etc.].”

Similar to how adults may use the excuse of having an early day to get out of a late-night party or nightcap, kids can also rely on their previous engagements to avoid doing something while still saving face. This excuse “suggests a busy schedule and personal commitments as the reason for refusal. This way of dealing with peer pressure works best if someone wants your child to attend an event like a party, a sleepover, etc., that they’d rather skip,” explains Dr. Woo.

“My parents would kill me, and I can’t afford to be grounded right now.”

This strategy shifts the focus from not wanting to do the proposed action or activity to simply acknowledging that there may be consequences for engaging in it. “Blaming it on parental rules can take the pressure off the individual child,” says Dr. Woo. It might also help the child who suggested the idea to think twice and consider that they, too, may face consequences.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea (or this is sus); we might end up in trouble.”

If they don’t want to blame their parents directly, this is another solid alternative excuse. Additionally, it can be used to avoid actions that might cause them to end up in trouble with other authority figures like teachers, neighbors, or even the police. “This shows foresight and can remind peers of potential consequences,” says Dr. Woo.

“I have to leave now.” 

Zalamar says this one may work best when invited to places where kids know they aren’t allowed to go or don’t have permission. Parents can even help their kids with ideas on “why” they need to leave. For example, they forgot a piano class or told their cousin they would come to their house, etc. 

“Sorry, can’t help you with that.”

Zalamar says this may work best if someone asks to cheat or do their homework, as it’s a quick and easy way for a child to decline. You can always help your child add additional context depending on the situation.

For example, if being asked for the answers on a test, the child could lie and say they also didn’t study and are also guessing, or use one of the previous responses regarding not being able to afford to get in trouble again because their parents will end up not letting them go to a concert or movie they’ve been looking forward to.  

“I’m good; I don’t need to prove anything.”

Even in the volatile world of adolescence, there’s nothing cooler than someone confident in their decisions—especially among older teens. Have your child stand firmly in their convictions by simply letting their peers know they don’t need to prove themselves.

Turning down an offer to do anything they’re uncomfortable with in this way “indicates self-assurance and dismisses the challenge as unnecessary,” says Dr. Woo. It may even make others think twice about why they’re participating in the activity in the first place.

If all else fails, use a code.

This can work well for kids still heavily preoccupied with being pegged as “uncool” for turning their friends down. Many parents are now establishing such codes as using emojis or phrasing statements in certain ways in text and calls so that the parent knows to pick their child up or at least outwardly rescind permission. Kids can also establish these codes with siblings and trusted friends to get them out of hairy situations, like unwanted attention at a party or pressure to sleep over at someone’s house.

More tips on helping kids deal with peer pressure and uncomfortable situations

Zalamar says peer pressure can be especially effective with kids whose parents haven’t had these conversations, so it’s important to arm your kids with responses.

“Kids and parents alike can check out resources like YouTube videos and books that help with this, in addition to working with an experienced therapist. There are also programs and groups geared towards building well-being and expressing oneself in healthy ways,” she says. 

Dr. Woo adds that it can be helpful to role-play various scenarios at home. “Teaching children about the power of choice and helping them develop a strong sense of self can empower them to resist negative peer pressure,” she says. “Open communication about daily experiences can help kids and teens feel supported when they decide not to go along with the crowd.”

Mom of eight Kris Renee said she had to develop a system because her family of 10 (plus two dogs) lives in a suburban house meant for a much smaller brood.

@krisreneeauthor

I’m their mother, not their maid #raisingteens #momofteens #raisingresponsiblechildren #dirtyteenager #teenchores

♬ original sound – Kris Renee Books

“When my children become teenagers and they are of the age that they get to do the fun things—like get a driver’s license and get a car and get their first job and join the after-school clubs and activities and do all of the things—flitting around town, living their best life… In our home, that also means that you have leveled up your responsibility for yourself: for your person, for your possessions, and for your space,” she says. “So, when I notice that their rooms are getting out of control, I let them know, ‘Your room needs to be cleaned.’ I don’t give each one a specific time frame because it’s different [depending] on the child. It depends on what their after-school activities are, what their evenings look like… it might be three days, might be five days, might be seven days, but I give them a fair amount of time to get the job done.”

Once each kid’s time frame is up, they receive a 24-hour notice. At the end of that 24 hours, if they still haven’t cleaned, Renee steps in and does it for them. “I clean. I organize. I dust. I vacuum. I wash their sheets… You know, I just give them a fresh restart—simple as that,” she says. And moms, before you start yelling about how this defeats the whole purpose, there’s more.

“But once I’m finished with that, I make an itemized list of all the services rendered and how much time it took me to perform said services, and I present them with the bill in which they are expected and responsible for paying me for my time and my effort.”

Renee explains that this system works so well, her younger kids only had to see the older teens go through it to realize they didn’t want to have to pay their mom to clean for them.

“Two of my teenagers have had to do this, and once my younger teenagers have watched their older siblings go through it, they’re like, ‘Yeah, no thanks. I’m just going to handle my stuff,'” she says.

What’s especially genius about this hack is that it teaches the kids so many life lessons. There’s the responsibility of chores and time management. But there’s also the fact that other people’s time (including mom’s) has value. As an adult, there are times when I don’t want to do my own chores. But knowing that the alternative is paying a professional is usually enough to make me suck it up and set some time aside to clean. Teaching kids this lesson gives them a nice head start on the realities of adult life.

Of course, not everyone is on board—Renee got some comments from parents who think it’s way out of line to charge kids for services. But considering the kids have a choice, we think this is a great hack.

In fact, many skincare products used by tweens and teens are causing more harm than good. Dr. Brooke Jeffy, a certified teen dermatologist, has become a go-to expert on what kids should use as part of their daily care. In a recent TikTok, she shares five skincare brands teens should leave behind in 2025.

@brookejeffymd

Teens & tweens, save your money and your skin and opt for safer options Click the link in my bio to shop my favorite safe skincare picks #dermapproved

♬ original sound – Dr. Brooke Jeffy

Drunk Elephant

Jeffy talks a lot about why several Drunk Elephant products aren’t good for teen skin. For example, she shares that the Drunk Elephant T.L.C. Framboos Glycolic Night Serum is a “no” because it’s got exfoliating acids, which will destroy the skin barrier for a young user. She’s also spoken extensively about the Drunk Elephant A-Passioni Retinol Cream being a hard pass because it’s got retinol, an ingredient often linked to anti-aging and not recommended for teenagers.

Glow Recipe

In a previous TikTok, Dr. Jeffy explains why this isn’t a good choice: “It has so many products with so many ingredients with questionable benefits. If you are a fan, stick with their Avocado Cleanser and Watermelon Glow Pink Juice Moisturizer. Skip everything else.”

Sol de Janeiro

Sure, everyone loves the body mist. But the Bum-Bum cream? It’s a no-no. If your kid wants something from Sol de Janeiro, stick with the popular hair and body mist products. “Tweens don’t need Bum Bum Cream, and this one contains retinol,” Jeffy explained in a separate TikTok.

Dr. Jart and Mario Badescu

Two other brands she mentions are Dr. Jart and Mario Badescu. Mario Badescu products can include alcohol, parabens, and fragrance, none of which benefit the skin, and Dr. Jart products often include active ingredients like retinol, which is best left to the adults.

What Teen Skincare Products Does Jeffy Recommend?

Jeffy has spoken at length about teen skincare and the products she thinks are okay for young skin. For her, teen skincare should be three simple steps: a gentle cleanser like CeraVe Hydrating Facial Cleanser, a lightweight fragrance-free moisturizer like the BTWN Daily Moisturizer, and a broad-spectrum SPF like La Roche-Posay Anthelios. Of course, lip gloss is okay, and if they insist on a serum, a hyaluronic acid serum is an option.