1. Consistency is key when it comes to your toddler’s bedtime routine.

Yup, multiple sleep medicine reviews agree that a consistent bedtime routine can have huge benefits for toddlers. We see better sleep (longer stretches, fewer wake-ups, earlier bedtimes), improved development (language, literacy, emotional regulation), and even more positive family functioning. Toddlers love routines and rituals—once they become habit, they’re rarely challenged.

Routines give children structure, reduce anxiety, and remove the “what’s next?” worry at the end of the day. Plus, when your child knows exactly what happens before bed, they’re less likely to push boundaries—because mom and dad are consistent.

2. Visual Bedtime Routines are easiest for toddlers to understand.

A visual schedule is simply your evening routine presented in pictures—think of a chart or sequence of images showing each step. It’s something that toddlers of all ages and language abilities can easily follow.

 

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The benefits are huge:

• Clear expectations = more cooperation
• Reduced stress and anxiety
• Easier transitions between activities
• Improved understanding of time and sequencing
• A boost in independence and self-esteem
• Support for literacy if you add words to the pictures

Dr Golly especially loves charts that toddlers can interact with—folding up a card, ticking off with a whiteboard marker, or adding a sticker for each step. And remember, these kinds of visual sequences can work wonders in other areas too, like morning routines or even just the steps to getting dressed.

3. Consistency is key, but you’ll also want to keep things upbeat.

Wherever you are and whoever’s looking after your child, the steps of your bedtime routine should be the same. But it’s also super helpful to remember that this shouldn’t be a tense or negative exercise. Dr Golly stresses three ways to keep things light:

Be patient: These are new skills, and toddlers may need verbal and physical guidance at first.
Track small wins: Let them mark off each task with stickers or ticks.
Use positive reinforcement: Praise, rewards, or a star chart can help. Maybe a little prize for one night completed, and a bigger reward for five nights in a row!

4. Dr Golly’s ideal bedtime routine consists of eight steps.

Every family’s steps will be different—some may include prayer, eczema cream, or even small household chores for older toddlers. But his standard routine, which works for most families, goes like this:

1. Eat dinner
2. Bath
3. PJs
4. Brush teeth
5. Toilet
6. Book
7. Kiss and cuddle
8. Sleep (ideally independently)

You can download a free copy of Dr Golly’s Toddler Bedtime routine here.

5. Stick to the same order every night (well, as much as possible—these are toddlers, after all).

The routine works best if it follows the steps in the same sequence each night. That being said, it’s not a disaster if your toddler goes to the toilet before brushing their teeth. Aim for a natural order that suits your household.

6. Avoid screens well before bedtime.

Dr Golly doesn’t recommend any screen time in the two hours before bed. The goal is to keep things calm and help your toddler wind down.

7. When things have gone sideways, prioritize your bedtime.

Both the actual time you put your child to bed and the routine itself matter, but if you have to choose, a consistent bedtime is more important than squeezing in every step of the routine. Don’t push bedtime back just to fit it all in. If you’re short on time, move through the steps a little quicker—without rushing—so everyone stays relaxed.

8. You don’t have to use the visual bedtime chart forever.

Most families use it for a few weeks until habits form. Then it becomes part of everyday life. If things go off track (which is totally normal), you can bring it back out to reinforce expectations.

Want more advice like this?
If your tot won’t fall asleep without you, you’re far from the exception—this is very common. Dr Golly’s Toddler Sleep Program has all the gentle strategies to help your child develop healthy, independent sleep habits, so you can have your evenings back

If you were to take a safari to the landscape of motherhood, moms of middle schoolers and high schoolers would be the big cats—sleek and sure-footed. Moms of elementary schoolers and preschoolers would be the herd animals—finding strength in numbers and able to pivot directions on a dime. And those of us who are moms of toddlers? We’re for sure the monkeys, relying on our silliness and our noise levels to hold our kids’ attentions, and also frequently covered in poo. While it may seem that we lose in the hierarchy of mom life, in reality, we’re the winners. Keep reading to find out why being the mom of a toddler rules—tantrums notwithstanding.

1. Zero Inhibitions. Grocery store DJ playing your favorite song on aisle 9? Your toddler’s there for you. When older kids run away from potentially embarrassing situations, your toddler is your number-one wingman.

2. Knee Hugs. Is there anything better than feeling little arms wrap around your knees when you least expect it? No one but a toddler can give a knee hug, and it’s hard to beat.

3. Naps. When toddlers are up, we’re on, which is why they’re not the only ones who need that afternoon nap to get through the rest of the day. Whether you can eek out a nap of your own or just take care of business while your little one is down, we can all agree that a toddler nap is pretty epic.

4. Laugh-Crying. Anyone who’s ever watched Steel Magnolias knows that the best emotion is when you start to laugh while you’re crying. And your toddler is a pro at it.

5. Snuggles. Toddlers are still small enough to hold, and there’s no place they’d rather be at the end of the day than snuggled up in your arms.

6. Five-Point Restraints. For real. When your toddler is losing her mind, it’s still perfectly acceptable to plug her into a stroller or car seat that still comes with a five-point restraint. Many a parent of a tween wishes they still had that capability.

7. Gift Euphoria. They don’t care if it’s an impossible-to-find electronic device. Toddlers are equally excited to receive a pack of stickers as they are an Amazon Fire. The pièce de résistance? The cardboard box their gift comes in.

8. Cabbage Knees. What is it about toddlers’ knees that makes them dimple like that? When you’re a toddler mom, you can tickle those cabbage knees any time you want.

9. That Top-of-Head Smell. Not to get all weird on you, but a toddler’s smell—especially after a bath—could be bottled and sold. When you’re a mom to a toddler, you get to sniff the tops of their clean heads as much as you want.

10. Children’s Books. When you have a toddler, you get to read happy books about everything interesting in the world.

11. Being a Place. Toddlers don’t see their moms as just people, if they recognize us as humans at all. Moms are places for them—safe places—to run to when something is wrong, or scary, or unfair. Just being there is important to them, and it’s such an uncomplicated gift to offer.

12. Watching a Sense of Humor Develop. When your baby becomes a toddler, their language and grasp of the world around them explode. You get to watch as their sense of humor develops out of so much perceived chaos, and giggle along with them.

13. Finding Your Tribe. There’s something about the bond of mothers navigating toddlerhood together that lasts. Whether it’s navigating new experiences or sharing the burden of carpools and creating incremental spaces of free time for one another, moms of toddlers find their people and stick with them.

It’s been four years since Dove released this stat, but it feels just as chilling.

Posing, filters, edits, AI apps… these days, it couldn’t be easier to completely change the way you look in posts. Smoother skin, narrower noses, fuller lips, smaller waists, bigger hips, slimmer arms—and along come our daughters and sons, who have never known the world any other way and whose developing brains are internalizing all these unrealistic standards.

What a time to be a parent, hey? As a content creator with experience working in mental health and as a youth leader, I’ve seen how much social media can distort people’s perceptions and harm their mental well-being. And I see you, all of you parents, trying to navigate this scary new world.

The good news is, I think I can help. As I sit here in a coffee shop with my baby asleep in the pushchair next to me (that’s a stroller for the North American folks), I want to stress that as a caregiver in 2025, you have more influence in your children’s lives than it sometimes feels.

So here are a few things I’d suggest that can guide your family’s relationship with tech and model healthy behavior.

1. Never use filters on your own photos (especially ones with your kids in them).

You know those “innocent” filters that turn you into a cute animal? Most of the time, even they smooth your skin and change your features. So we might unintentionally be sending the message to our littles that even their primary caregivers are altering their appearances to conform to beauty standards. If we stop using filters and editing, they can look up to parents who accept themselves for who they are. How powerful!

2. Point it out when you see a photo that’s probably been manipulated.

“Everyone else has perfect, unblemished skin.”
“I’m the only one who doesn’t look like that.”
“I need to buy all these products influencers are promoting, and then I’ll look like they do.”

How will they know if we don’t tell them? To our eyes, it’s perhaps more obvious when a photo is edited or AI because we haven’t grown up in this filtered world. Let’s help train their awareness of what they’re consuming, so they can be kinder to their real self in the mirror.

3. Talk about what people choose to post on social—and what’s probably left out.

Did you know that large retail brands have had to change their return policies because people are placing massive orders, showing haul videos online, wearing the clothes for pictures, and then returning them?

From seemingly lavish lifestyles to bodies posed and contorted to look thinner (or whatever the latest ‘beauty trend’ is), so much of what we see is far from reality. People take 100 photos to choose just one to upload…

When we see a glimpse into people’s lives online, it’s easy to forget that we don’t see 99.9% of what’s actually going on for them. For our own well-being, as well as our children’s, we need to continuously remind our brains that what we’re scrolling through doesn’t reflect real life. Seeing ‘perfection’ at every turn needs to be called out, otherwise we can forget, a discontentment with our own lives can fester, and our mental health can be seriously impacted.

4. Keep the conversation open: social media, AI, cyberbullying, and mental health.

It’s hard to believe, but there are now ‘AI influencers’—accounts of people showing their amazing lives and being paid for brand deals, but they’re not even real. It’s becoming harder to tell what’s human and what’s not. What a minefield.

Talk about this with your children. Keep tabs on cyberbullying at their school. Stay on top of Snapchat, where evidence of conversations disappears (also a feature newly available on WhatsApp). Regularly check in to see if they’re feeling addicted to their device.

Open conversations around a screen-free dinner table can make such a difference, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time.

5. You get to choose what you post online of your kids—and where.

Something I find myself reflecting on frequently when I scroll is the impact of childhoods being shared on social media. What will that feel like for them when they’re grown up?

As a response to the trend of ‘sharenting’ (parents publicly sharing kids online), I think we’re now starting to see a movement of parents putting their kids’ privacy first and protecting their digital footprints. This means less potential for identity theft, future bullying, career implications, embarrassment, or photos just generally getting into the wrong hands.

I’ve been using Tinybeans for months now (try it here!), which gives me total peace of mind that the only people seeing my daughter’s photos are the ones I choose. I still want to collect the story of her childhood in a beautiful way, but not at the expense of her privacy. When she’s older, she can then choose who sees her photos.

So here’s to our children growing up knowing that they are loved just as they are, even in this rapidly changing world.

Now, I’m not talking about parenting stereotypes, like Type A mom versus Type B mom or free-range mom versus helicopter mom. I’m referring to deeper parenting styles that fundamentally change how your child develops.

My former best friend and I met in kindergarten, meaning we had known each other for more than three decades. She jumped into her parenting journey a bit earlier than I did, and initially, she was quite helpful and supportive. When I was struggling with breastfeeding and my baby blues turned into postpartum depression, she encouraged me to do what was best for me—and that was to stop nursing. She was a mom who exclusively breastfed her kids for years, so this was monumental. Her words instantly removed the overwhelming social pressure and judgment I felt.

But as my kids grew, I began to notice something: our parenting styles were quite different.

My friend and her husband are more old school. Their word is law, and their kids are expected to do as they say. They are loving and supportive parents, and their beautiful children are thriving. But in their home, you won’t see her kids boldly expressing their feelings or having big explosions. Our home, on the other hand, is a little messier—figuratively speaking (at least in this case).

Our home is loud. My kids are intense. They bicker and let it all out. My husband and I do our best—though we sometimes fail—not to try to change or suppress our kids’ emotions. Sure, they’re still learning how to regulate these big feelings (as am I), but I believe that if they’re allowed to simply experience them, it will serve them well in the long run. Ultimately, they’ll know how to express their emotions in healthy ways rather than hide them—something my generation was brought up to do.

In that way, parenting changed me and really challenged me to do things differently. Wanting your children to grow into the best version of themselves often requires reflecting on who you are and want to be. Instead of fear and punishment, I now strive for connection over correction, which isn’t always the easiest.

Unfortunately, this responsive parenting style drove a wedge between the two of us. When I expressed vulnerability about how difficult it is to watch my child work through big emotions, she had zero patience. Instead, she replied, “Well, I would have told her to stop,” or “You let her ruin your day,” or worse, “She’s always been dramatic.”

Slowly, our relationship turned into me always needing to explain my choices. She questioned why I chose a certain school for my kids, why we didn’t reprimand them more, how we dealt with the pandemic; the list went on and on.

I began to realize that I didn’t need to explain myself to anyone, especially not someone who was supposed to be a friend. She saw my decisions as moral judgments—that her way of parenting must be wrong. In reality, it was just me choosing what I felt was best for my family.

After a while, I had to step away. And if one of your friends is criticizing how you parent, gaslighting you, or simply not supporting your choices at all, perhaps it’s time for you to step away, too. It’s just not healthy. You know what’s best for your child—period. No one needs to have an opinion about that. Reconsider whether your relationship is one that fills your bucket or takes from it. In my case, I already knew the answer.

That didn’t make parting ways any easier. I kept clinging to the past; we had so much history, after all. But because things grew toxic, I knew it was time. If we want to teach our children how to set and maintain boundaries, we must learn to create them for ourselves, too.

And at the end of the day, it’s vital to surround yourself with those who love and accept you for you—parenting style and all.

Getting my kids out the door in the morning feels like choreographing a Broadway dance number—one in which the dancers are klutzy and trip over one another. Maybe we’re just not morning people, but it can feel insurmountable to coordinate four people’s early a.m. routines. No matter how organized my partner and I try to be as stage managers, I feel like a failure when I hear my older daughter say, “Where are my shoes?” just as the school bus rounds the corner. Even worse are the mornings when shoes, backpack, and lunch all go missing at once.

With my younger child starting preschool this fall, all of us will need to leave the house at the same time. So I’m determined to understand why we’re having trouble and strategize some solutions. As a librarian, I know that all learning requires self-reflection and rehearsal. That’s why we’ve been practicing our routine this summer during those mornings when we have timed zoo tickets or playdates. It’s easier to adapt our habits when the stakes are lower and we don’t risk being late to work and school.

In a professional training I attended with learning specialist Craig Selinger, the C.E.O. of Brooklyn Letters and Themba Tutoring, I learned that leaving the house actually requires well-developed executive functioning skills—something we probably don’t assume when watching our kids aimlessly ping-pong around. When you’re tired, it can be even more challenging to accomplish a step-by-step task while filtering out distractions and managing your emotions. You must also use working memory, drawing from past experiences to analyze what is needed in the present (Did your sneakers feel too tight yesterday? Today you need to wear the other shoes!)

RELATED: Here’s Why I Don’t Tell My Kid to Have a Good Day—and What I Say Instead

According to Harvard University’s Center for the Developing Child, executive function is like “…an air traffic control system at a busy airport” managing “dozens of planes on multiple runways.” (This sounds exactly like the mental overload I experience almost every morning.)

Knowing all of this, I try to think of myself as an educator in the mornings, not a cranky mom. It’s worth being intentional and patient as I help my daughter build her executive functioning skills. (I’ll try to remember that the next time I lose my cool!) Here’s what my family has tried:

Assign Morning Roles

Are the adults doing all of the heavy lifting? Can the older kids do jobs that help the whole family, not just themselves? My 10-year-old fills all the family water bottles. The 3-year-old can turn off the lights or press the elevator buttons. When a kid knows the family is depending on her, she might actually pull herself together more efficiently.

Give Kids “Cues” with Certain Signal Phrases

When I ask my toddler, “Do you have your puppy?” she knows that I’m really serious about leaving the house. The way an actor will listen for a cue, a kid who doesn’t have a great sense of time or urgency will understand that certain lines or actions signal departure. I also turn off lights when my toddler has trouble grasping that it’s really time to go.

Post “Obvious” Reminders on the Door

I’m a fan of large self-stick Post-its, which I often put on the door with our daily routines and reminders. When we go to the beach, the list reads: “Towels, sand toys, sunscreen.” When school starts, it will be “backpack, lunch, water, shoes.” Younger children aren’t always systematic thinkers, especially first thing in the morning. Their executive functioning skills need constant support. I get exhausted issuing the same reminders, so I’m going to use my lists more this fall.

Prioritize/Catastrophize

This summer, on nights before a trip, I’ve asked my older daughter to identify the item she would be most disappointed to leave behind. Can she imagine herself getting to the beach and not having sunscreen or swimwear? Water can be easily purchased, but a bathing suit can’t.

We are not, in fact, very good at packing entire bags the night before when our nighttime routine feels cumbersome already. But now we prioritize the essential items and hang them from a bag on the doorknob, or even block the doorway with the bag so it can’t be ignored.

Clocks, Timers

The other day I realized that my partner and I get grumpy about our kid’s time management skills, but we’ve never given her a clock. Everyone uses clocks on their phones now, so we’re thinking of a digital wristwatch (rather than a distracting Apple watch) for the fall. We will also set timers on our phones to indicate that we’re 20, 10, and 5 minutes away from departure.

With any luck, these rehearsals will prepare us for a smash hit in September.

Jess deCourcy Hinds (jessdecourcyhinds.com) is a writer and librarian. Sign up for her free quarterly newsletter, I’m an Open Book: On Love, Libraries and Life-building.

In anticipation of another school season, not to mention all the shopping that comes with it, these first-day-of-school traditions and ideas will help get kids in the headspace for a new year. From chalk messages to lunch notes and family dinners, these are our favorite back-to-school traditions to choose from to help make the new year feel special.

1. Count it down. Make the first day of school something to look forward to by crafting a paper countdown chain. Each day, tear one link off the chain and ask the kiddos to name something they’re looking forward to about school.

2. Have a show-and-tell dinner on the first night. Family dinners are always important, but make it a back-to-school tradition to allow the kids to tell you everything about their first day, from the friends they haven’t seen over the summer to the classroom layout or what they had for lunch.

3. A day-one surprise. Celebrate the first day in style with a visit from the First Day of School Fairy. She can deliver a few back-to-school school supplies and an encouraging note for the new year. For more on this fun idea, visit Differentiated Kindergarten.

4. Make a family motto. To help your little ones start the new school year in the right mindset, come up with a short family motto. It’ll help remind everyone what’s important in tough moments throughout the year. Have the kids write it out and decorate it. Learn more about the importance of creating a family “coat of arms” here. 

5. Customize something. You can order specialized pencils with their name or label their new water bottle, but allowing your kids to stake their claim on school gear can help them feel confident about heading back to school.

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6. Make an awesome breakfast. You’ll be throwing cereal and milk at the kids soon enough, so why not whip up a fancy breakfast for their first day? It’ll keep your kids full, and make them look forward to getting up early! 

7. Read a special book the night before. Whether it’s Oh, The Places You’ll Go! or Miss Nelson Is Missing!, find a classic picture book that’ll get your kids ready to start the new year.

8. Decorate your pad. This is one of our favorite first-day-of-school ideas! Let your kids help with the decor or surprise your school-aged sweeties with a decorated door when they wake up. Whatever you choose to do, it’s a great way to celebrate!

9. Draw a self-portrait. Let your little Einsteins create a version of themselves in a back-to-school outfit. It’s a great way to pass those last few summer days, and it’s a sure bet for getting kids excited about donning their new threads and heading to the classroom. See how Hands On As We Grow completed this fun activity.

10.  Make a sundae bar. This sweet, simple back-to-school tradition will calm anyone’s jitters about heading back to school. Put your favorite toppings in jars and make them meaningful with labels encouraging the qualities you’d like to see demonstrated throughout the new year. Have your little scholar cover their ice cream in kindness, bravery, obedience, and happiness, then top it off with sprinkles of love. 

11. Celebrate School Year’s Eve. You celebrate New Year’s Eve, so why not do the same for School Year’s Eve? Get poppers or noisemakers, provide treats, and throw a little dance party. It’ll get your students excited for what’s to come, and it’s a great way to include other fun first-day-of-school ideas on this list. Looking for more inspiration? Check out the School Year’s Eve party guide over at 11 Cupcakes.

12.  Interview your kids. Discover goals, fears, and questions about school by interviewing your little scholars before the first bell rings. It’s not very hard to come up with a list of questions, and whether you write down the answers or videotape your tykes, it’s a memory everyone will treasure for years to come.

13. Create a bucket list. You do it for summer, so why not make one for the school year? Whether they want to jump a reading level or two or try out for a new sport, when kids have goals, they succeed!

Related: 39 School Jokes for Kids (because You Really Need a Laugh)

14. Take cool pictures. Everyone loves to document the first and last day of school. There are so many creative ways to commemorate the occasion—from chalkboards to t-shirts, and more. You can find our favorite ideas here. For those simply wanting to share moments with friends and family without making it a public display, there are safe options like the Tinybeans app (you can learn more and download it here!), which puts parents in total control of who can see and interact with photos and videos.

15. Have a back-to-school dinner. Making a favorite meal (like one of these pasta recipes) and celebrating the start of another school year with an awesome dinner in their honor will always make your kids feel special.

16. Have a special activity for the end of the first day of school. Whether you take them to their favorite park to burn off that first-day anxiety, have a craft planned, or grab an ice cream and talk, it’s easy to make the first after-school afternoon unique.

17. Write a sidewalk chalk message. If there’s a sweeter first day of school tradition than a chalk message outside the front door, we haven’t found it. Go all out or keep it simple—either way, it’s an extra boost to help ease those first-day jitters. If your first day is distance learning, surprise the kids with a message they can see from the window or on a quick preschool start walk. 

18. Give them a new book. Get your bookworms ready by gifting them a new book before school starts. Those required reading minutes will go faster when they’ve got the latest release in their favorite series. Plus, we’re pretty sure kids can never have too many books.

19. Pack a super special lunch. Packing their lunch in a special lunchbox or bento box with a treat or a lunchbox joke is a great first-day-of-school idea! Get your kids involved by asking them what they want, and have them help you get it ready. Check out our favorite creative lunches here. 

20. Top Ten. Much like late-night talk shows’ top ten lists, this one asks kids to list the top ten moments of their first day back in school.

21. Surprise them with a toy or kit that’s educational and fun. Sitting at a desk all day can be challenging, so having something engaging that isn’t worksheets or quizzes is a great way for them to have fun while learning a little more after the bell rings.

22. Watch a school-themed movie before the big day. Think Matilda, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Monsters University, Akeelah and the Bee, and School of Rock.

23. Make a time capsule. A time capsule is another one of our favorite back-to-school ideas. Whether you open it at the end of the school year or much later in your kids’ school career, it’s fun to look at memories together.

From excitement to anxiety to sighs of relief, going back to school this year looks a little different for everyone. But, according to a survey by Learning Resources, more than ever, one of the most important things is active parent involvement. In order to get an idea of what that really means, we talked to school teachers across the country (many of whom are parents themselves) and gathered up their best back-to-school tips for parents to succeed throughout the school year.  

Back-to-School Tips for Parents About Attitude

Almost every teacher we talked to said something along these lines:

“Your children take on your attitudes, BE POSITIVE!” —Michele Jenkins, Fernley Elementary School 1st-grade teacher, Nevada

“School is fun! Remind your kids to be creative and take risks.”—Anonymous 

“It’s okay to cry on that first day; it can be emotional for parents. But try and wait until your kiddo gets to the classroom before you burst into tears.”—Anonymous

Related: 16 Things Parents Don’t Need to Worry About (According to Teachers)

Back-to-School Tips on How to Dress for Success

Consider these ideas when finishing up your back-to-school shopping.

“Label everything!”—Anonymous kindergarten teacher

“Dress them for the weather because we're going OUTSIDE!”—Teacher Tom

“Be aware, those cute shoes they get WILL get dirty while doing PE. Don’t tell them they can’t run in shoes you buy them for school use. They will run at school. Don’t punish them for dirty shoes; shoes get dirty when worn properly. Also, close-toed, non-dress shoes (athletic shoes) have the best support, so please make sure they wear a pair any time they have a day that includes recess or PE.” —Anonymous PE teacher

“If they come in tie shoes, they should know how to tie them themselves, or else come in velcro.”—Erin S.

“If you live in a climate with cold winters, get your kids used to taking on and off snow clothes, boots, etc., so they have a routine for doing so before winter and the end of the day. Practice on the weekend as cooler weather arrives and make a game of it by timing each child to see who can get cold-proofed fastest.”—Anonymous

Tips for the Early Morning Routine

Not surprisingly, a lot of teachers spoke about the importance of eating a healthy breakfast, being on time for school, and getting a decent night’s sleep. Here are a few other helpful tips:

“Don’t delay drop off for little ones. Give a big hug and kiss and get out the door. Lingering only leads to upset kids.”—Early elementary teacher

“For an easier beginning to the year, start routines like going to bed and waking up on time before school starts again, not the day of.”—Jared H.

And Brad B agrees: “Get their bedtime routine back in order before school starts. Lack of sleep affects so many things beyond drowsiness or lack of attention. I personally think it undermines our confidence."

“Go to the bathroom at home before school!”—Anonymous

“Routine in the morning is important to start the day positively. Pick out clothes the night before (or even the whole week before and put in boxes for each day if you have a diva girl like mine!).”—Anonymous

Teacher Tips for School Supplies

School supplies don’t just mean what you need for your own child. Consider what a classroom needs and grab an extra item or two when you can afford it. Don’t forget tissue during the winter cold and flu season!

“Small tokens of appreciation throughout the year are a real pick-me-up! A pad of post-it notes, sharpies….teachers are easy to please, and it’s nice to let them know you notice their hard work. Also, read the weekly newsletter...please!” —Early elementary teacher, TX

“If there are specific things on the supply list (like particular brands), I promise the teacher isn’t trying to be difficult. They’ve probably learned from experience that that particular type works the best or lasts the longest.” —Nicole D., middle school math

“As teachers, we spend a great deal of our own money on supplies to make our classrooms a more creative learning environment for your child. So please, believe me when I say that every little bit helps our classroom; an extra ream of paper, a container of disinfecting wipes, paper towels, etc. It means so much, and I promise they will be put to good use.”—Holly R., autism teacher

“Make it a habit of asking a teacher if they need anything for the classroom or upcoming projects or holidays. Most teachers will be happy to give you a few inexpensive items they need that you could pick up at the grocery store.”—Anonymous

 

Related: 12 Quality Backpacks that Look Awesome (and Hold Up!)

Back-to-School Tips About Communication

When it comes to communicating with your teacher, whether it’s messaging during the day or at parent-teacher conferences, or even a requested meeting, consider these factors from a teacher’s point of view. One overarching theme? Teachers know and love your children, too!

“Parents, teacher, and students are all on the same team–parents need to be open to communication and should be open with teachers about student needs.”—Tori R., teacher

“Remember that teachers see your children in a totally different environment with a totally different set of kids at a totally different time than you do on a normal basis. It should be expected that we see behaviors, attitudes, and reactions that are different than what we have come to know. Be open to learning about your child in a unique setting to understand them better.”—Anonymous

“Please be on time for meetings. Our time is very limited.” —Janel M., middle school teacher

“Please don’t expect an email response within the hour. We are teaching 90 percent of the day and often have meetings to attend during our conference period and/or after school.” —Kristi W., elementary teacher

“If there is a conflict at school, notify the teacher. Listen to what your child has to say and encourage him/her to tell an adult at school. Do not bash the other student in front of your child. So many times, this is just a misunderstanding that has been blown out of proportion. Little ones learn how to problem solve with their peers and hearing their parents becoming angry and calling names shows them that that is the right way, which we know it is not. Listen to the details and then call the teacher!” —Anonymous

“Meet the Teacher night (before school starts) is NOT the appropriate time to verbally tell the teacher your child’s specific needs. ... put it in writing (an email is great). So much is going on that the teacher may not remember what you told her or even who your child is yet. You might introduce yourself and let them know to look for an email from you.” —Kristi W., elementary teacher

“Teachers spend a LOT of time on communication mediums and may only have 30 minutes of prep time during the day…so read/reread ALL the emails, updates and directions before you email/call the teacher (resourcefulness and responsibility — this is what we’re trying to teach your kids, too.).” —Katie, teacher and mom

“We are here to help your child. We want the best for them just as you do. Please give us the benefit of the doubt and the respect we deserve. We are not out to get your child. We aren’t telling you things because we are mean. We are telling you the truth about your child in the classroom. And no, they may not act like that at home, but they may act differently in a classroom setting. Believe us. Help us.” —Anonymous PreK teacher

“Be sure to check in on your child’s well-being socially, emotionally, and academically and ask for help if needed!” —Tiffiny Peterson, American Heritage Charter School 2nd-grade teacher, Idaho

Related: 25 Easy First-Day-of-School Picture Ideas

Tips for Parents About Homework

Every parent wants their kids to do well in school, and pretty much every child will groan about homework at some point. Here are some ideas for helping kids stay on track and keep up the good work.

“Set aside time daily during the first month of school to help your child unpack/pack their backpack, go over assignments, organize supplies and binders, and chat about school. This helps you both ease in and allows your student to share concerns with you organically and as they arise.” —Anonymous 7th & 8th-grade teacher

“Sleep. They are better students with a solid night of sleep as opposed to those who stayed up all night studying.” —Kathleen, teacher

“The grade is never as important as the effort behind it.”—Katy D., teacher, and mom

“Teach your students to advocate for themselves... to ask for help and to pursue it until they receive it and understand the concept with which they are struggling. A helicopter parent can never be as effective as a student who is determined to learn and knows how to make it happen, regardless of their level of intelligence.” —Jeremy H., veteran elementary and middle school teacher

“Read, read, read to your child! Be sure to talk about the book. Ask questions about the characters and the problems they face, your child’s favorite part, etc. If your child is bilingual or learning English, reading to your child in your native language will not interfere with learning English in school, but will actually help develop their background knowledge and vocabulary acquisition in both languages!” —Anonymous

“Please limit screen time and take your kids either outside to play or engage with them in a board game, puzzle, helping with homework, having them help with dinner/dishes/ANYTHING! So many young kids I teach are turning into little zombies because they come home from school and just sit in front of video games. And remember, your child is NEVER too old to be read aloud to.” —Anonymous

“Even if you don’t agree with the common core or the amount of homework, you want your child to respect his/her teachers and the expectations.” —Anonymous

Advice About Volunteering

You might not be able to make every function or volunteer a ton of classroom hours, but just being there for your kids makes a big difference. 

“For many working parents, daytime events at the school or volunteering isn’t always an option, we get that, but even just one event per school year makes a lasting memory and positive reinforcement for your child. We provide a calendar at the beginning of each school year so parents can plan ahead.” —Anonymous

“Read and play games with your kiddos! There is nothing a teacher can do that takes the place of family time!” —Tess Brist, Marion School 3rd-grade teacher, Montana

"You don’t have to be perfect. Just show up."—Anonymous

Gentle Reminders: Teachers Are Humans, Too

Don’t forget that teachers, while they are modern-day superheroes in many ways, are also human with families of their own!

“I spend seven hours teaching 125 students each day for 9 months, each year. Please don’t judge me if we meet at the grocery store and I totally space on your and your child’s names.”—Betty R., 7th-grade science teacher

“Remember that the teacher can have 30 other children—be patient and start a positive relationship from the start.”—Tori R.

“Many teachers are parents as well. Please don’t think I am ignoring your 6 p.m. email because I don’t respond within an hour. I am spending time with my own child.” —Anonymous

Related: 4 Things Teachers Don’t Want to Hear About Your Kid (& 3 They Do)

From day one, I couldn’t stop snapping pics: that milk-drunk smile, a close-up of those genetically blessed lashes, a nap in the tightest swaddle I could muster. While I didn’t post every single one of my 50-something dailies, I kept up a steady pace that let everyone see what we were up to and where we were strolling. Before long, it was on to the toddler stage—capturing sneaky smiles, playground treks, food-covered faces, and occasional (sure… let’s stick with that) meltdowns.

I lived to give little updates on our adventures. Here we are grabbing ice cream! And in the car ride home after a day at the beach! Was it a mistake to attempt a restaurant? Look at this chaos and you tell me (in the comments)! I became obsessed with posting just enough and exactly the right mix of shots and videos to chronicle our perfectly imperfect life.

During every event or outing, there was a part of me that was thinking ahead to later that evening, when I could batch together the best snapshots so the people could see what we were up to. The compulsion to put our family on display was so strong and such a common practice that I never stopped to think, Maybe just don’t share for a change?

So as a challenge, that’s exactly what I did. What difference could it really make, I wondered. I quickly realized it was huge.

I haven’t gotten into an argument with a kid over an outfit and have stopped caring how they look.

We are not—and have never been—a matchy-matchy, perfectly ironed and color-coordinated family. That’s just a fashionable bridge too far. But there have been several times when my daughter demanded to wear a ratty old rainbow shirt that had seen (much) better days, and I cajoled her into wearing something “nicer.”

Did it really matter? Not at all! But for some reason, I didn’t want the ‘Gram to see her in that tired top for the third time in a row and assume I never did laundry. Now that I’m done posting, she can wear whatever she wants, whenever she wants, and I don’t give it a second thought.

I haven’t gotten bummed about how many likes I’ve gotten.

More likes = more love, right? Obviously not. But there’s an undeniable dopamine burst when you see those hearts and comments popping up after you’ve posted the sweetest/silliest/most hilarious pic or reel. You’ve nailed it! The people love it—and you! And your family!

Except when it feels like they don’t. Was my caption not clever enough? Did I come off as unlikeable or out of touch? The truth is, you’ll never know. It may even just be what the algorithm felt like serving up today. But not constantly checking in and reacting to the “success” of a post is even more freeing than you can imagine.

I haven’t felt like a failure after not getting the “perfect shot.”

No family is perfect. We’ve all internalized that message by now, yes? Social is simply a highlight reel, we are all just putting on performances, and so on and so forth. But it’s one thing to logically know it and another to see story after story of kids that seem to be just a bit happier and funnier and more well-traveled and sun-kissed than your own.

Related: My Insta “Friends” Are Mostly Strangers Now—and As a Mom, It’s Weirding Me Out

There used to be days when I drove myself crazy because one of my kids refused to open their eyes in what would otherwise be a perfect sunset shot. Or because we had a day when everyone genuinely got along (!), but I didn’t get any proof of the sibling sweetness on film. In relinquishing my role as documentarian, I finally learned to stop caring—and comparing. As it turns out, my kids are actual human beings with their own emotions and facial expressions, who can squint and be unphotogenic goofballs whenever they please.

I haven’t stress-eaten ice cream after doomscrolling about predators. (I’ve stress-eaten ice cream for other reasons, like sleep regressions and unrelenting potty talk.)

To be honest, creepers weren’t always at the top of my list of concerns. But the more I read, the more disturbed I was to discover stories of stolen identities and scams tied to unsuspecting families. The idea that someone could just pluck images from your life to build lies around and do with as they please is beyond unnerving—and something we should all think about a bit more. Not to mention that plenty of the acquaintances you “friended” over the years are kind of… strangers now. And not necessarily people I want to see my day-to-day whereabouts.

I’ve stopped worrying about where my photos will end up.

Confession: I have never taken the time to read through the dozens and dozens of pages of terms and conditions for the various platforms and apps I use before agreeing to them. (I’m going to guess you’re in the same boat.) So concerns about who owns my images, where my photos and videos might ultimately land, and what future searches might surface them are all valid. It’s murky territory, and it’s terrifying. Taking the step to remove myself and my family’s likenesses from public-facing platforms (as much as is possible)—and instead opting for private photo-sharing on Tinybeans—is something that helps me sleep better at night. And it’s a decision I’ll never regret making.

1. Swim Alone

“Never allow a child to swim alone, no matter how old. This one is definitely at the top of my list of things I’d never let my child do. As a pediatric emergency medicine [doctor], I have seen drowning in children of all ages in all types of bodies of water—deep and shallow,” says Dr. Christina Johns, Senior Medical Advisor at PM Pediatric Care.

Refusing to let your kids swim alone might make you as popular as the Grinch at Christmas, but statistics back up this rule. According to the Centers for Disease Control, drowning in a pool, body of water, or bathtub is the leading cause of death in children aged 1-4 and the second leading cause of death for children aged 5-14. 

Related: 5 Pool Toys a Pediatrician Mom Would Never Buy

The tween in your life might argue that they’ll wear a life jacket, but stand your ground. Life jackets (also called Personal Flotation Devices or PFDs) are (literal) lifesavers. However, if you’re alone, it’s still possible to drown while wearing one. According to CDR Kim Pickens, U. S. Coast Guard Reserve Operation BoatSmart Project Officer, in the article The Other 20%–When Wearing a Life Jacket Is Not Enough, “the more comfortable PFDs—those labeled as Type III or some Type V PFDs—will not turn an unconscious victim face up, at least not consistently. What most such PFDs will do (all but manually activated inflatables) is bring the person, whether unconscious or not, back up to the surface, enabling those nearby to quickly bring the victim to safety.” But that will only work if there’s someone around to get the tween’s face out of the water.

Bottom line: Supervise your crew when they swim, use life jackets in large bodies of water, and make sure the junior paddleboarders and canoers in your life always go out in a group.

2. Go Helmetless

“My child always wears a helmet when biking, roller skating, and skiing to protect her from head injury. As a pediatric EM physician and head injury researcher, I see the very serious consequences of unhelmeted head injuries and am vigilant in protecting my daughter (and her brain) from preventable injury,” says Angela Lumba-Brown, MD, pediatric emergency medicine physician at Stanford Medicine Children’s Health. 

With more than 26,000 children visiting an ER yearly for head injuries, wearing a helmet is a no-brainer. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, “Wearing a helmet can decrease the risk of head injuries by about 85% and facial injuries by about 65% among bicyclists.” Wearing a helmet is like using a seatbelt. You hope never to need it, but you’ll be grateful it’s there in an accident. 

Children are less likely to complain if their caregivers are wearing helmets too. Adaira Landry, MD, MEd, emergency medicine at Brigham and Women’s Hospital and Assistant Professor at Harvard Medical School, gets the whole family involved in safety. “We always ride bikes and scooters with helmets. This risk of head and face injury is nonzero for young kids who are still learning balance and speed,” she says.  

The US Consumer Product Safety Commission recommends using specialized helmets. Buying multiple helmets might sound like overkill, but activity-specific head gear “protect[s] your head from the kind of impacts typically associated with a particular activity or sport.” In other words, a bike helmet won’t protect your little hockey hero from a puck to the head. So get the right tool for the job.

Bottom line: As Dr. Landry says, “When it comes to raising adventurous children, there is a balance between excitement and risk. I want my kids to be daring and face challenges—and that can be done safely.” Helmets keep kids safe and are cheaper than reconstructive surgery.

3. Ride Forward Facing in a Car Before Age 3

“I would never let my two-year-old toddler ride in a forward-facing car seat–all babies and young toddlers should be in a rear-facing car seat up until they’re three years old or until they reach the weight and height max of their seat. Despite their cries and protest, keeping them rear-facing may mean the difference between life and death in an accident,” says Alok Patel, MD, a pediatric hospitalist at Stanford Medicine Children’s Health.

Car accidents are the second leading cause of death in children aged 1-4, after drowning. National Safety Counsel advises drivers to keep “…3-year-olds in rear-facing car seats for as long as possible. Once children outgrow the height or weight limit for their rear-facing car seat, they should ride in forward-facing car seats with a harness and tether.”

Bottom Line: Don’t switch to a forward-facing car seat too soon.

4. Get within Reach of Hot Liquids

“When my children were toddlers, I was pretty vigilant about scald burns from hot coffee and soup. I had my antennae up all the time, with my eyes constantly darting back and forth between the child and the hot beverage,” says Alan Schroeder, MD, pediatric critical care physician at Stanford Medicine Children’s Health.

According to the American Burn Association, “In children under five years of age, approximately 27-60% of scalds occur from cups/mugs/tableware containing hot liquids; most commonly from a pull-down (48%) or spill (32%) mechanism.”

Small children lack the lived experience and impulse control to prevent a scalding injury. Add in immature motor skills, and you have an accident just waiting to happen. Young children also have thinner dermal layers than adults and will sustain a more severe burn at a lower temperature. Scald burns make up 35% of overall burn injuries admitted to U.S. burn centers; of that number, 61% are in children under five years old. 

Most of us would never leave hot food or drinks within reach of an unsupervised toddler. But if you have a tablecloth or table runner, Daddy’s coffee is just one pull away. Consider packing these items away until the kiddos are a little older.

Bottom line: The U.S. Fire Administration advises parents and caregivers to keep children three feet away from anything that can get hot.

5. Drive (or Ride on) an All Terrain Vehicle (ATV)

“I’d never let my child ride an ATV (especially without a helmet and full body protective padding, which I see all too often). Unfortunately, very young children, even under 10, operate these vehicles, which can cause major traumatic injury in the blink of an eye,” says Dr. Johns.

We get it; there’s nothing quite as thrilling as racing across a field in an ATV. And it can seem like harmless fun if you keep your little speedster on a deserted stretch of road. But the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that children under 16 not be allowed to operate them. ATVs have killed thousands of kids and seriously injured at least a million more. Adult ATVs can weigh almost 600 lbs; the lightest youth-sized ATVs clock in at a little over two 200 lbs. That’s too much machine for your average nine-year-old to control.

Driving an ATV safely requires the same skill level and quick thinking as any other motor vehicle. If you wouldn’t let your tween drive the family car, don’t let them get behind the wheel of an ATV.

Bottom line: Dr. Johns’ verdict is that ATVs are “Too much of a risk for too little a reward, says the pediatric emergency medicine physician, me!”

Related: 5 Pool Products a Pediatrician Mom Would Never Buy

Even if they do understand (or at least try to), that doesn’t mean it feels good or comes easy. That’s why we’ve enlisted a few experts to offer tips for parents when it comes to helping kids learn how to deal with disappointment. 

1. Empathize with their feelings.

Licensed professional clinical counselor Melissa Marote says that, first and foremost, it’s essential to validate your kids’ feelings; really empathize with what they’re going through. Listen to their feelings and respond with things like, “This must be frustrating.” You should avoid compounding the negativity, however. As you discuss the things your kids are missing out on, Marote explains, try to put a positive spin on it. For example, encourage your kids to save up their excitement for all the things they will eventually get to do in the future.

2. Give them reassurance.

Child development expert and creator of The Moodsters Denise Daniels, RN, MS, tells us that it’s important to remind kids that this is only temporary—the playdate will happen when it isn’t raining, and they’ll have the opportunity to try out for the team next season. It might be hard for young kids to picture life beyond the current day or week, but still, Daniels suggests having kids make a list of things they want to do in the future because there will always be another opportunity to try. 

3. Teach self-calming skills.

Emotions can run high when kids are anxious and sad. Teaching kids how to calm down and manage their feelings is an essential tool for how to deal with anxiety. Marote suggests giving kids a breathing technique to oxygenate the brain and help kids think more clearly. Show your kids how to take a deep breath in and then blow out, like they’re blowing out birthday candles or making bubbles. For younger kids, blowing real bubbles is another excellent method, Marote says.

One more tip for the little kids: talking to a stuffed animal. Kids are so close and connected to their stuffed animals, which makes them a great comfort for kids who are dealing with hard feelings. Tell your kids, “Talk to your teddy bear about how sad you are,” Marote says.

4. Give them a choice.

So, a trip to the indoor playground or a group trip with friends to a nearby amusement park is out. Naturally, your kids will be disappointed, but you can give them some power (especially when they’re smaller and they feel like they have none) by offering them a choice. “Our plans have changed, and your outing with friends has to be postponed. What if you pick the movie for family movie night and we’ll look for another day that works for the group?”

5. Redirect focus.

For kids that become very hyper-focused on negative feelings, it can be helpful to use distraction techniques when learning how to deal with disappointment, Marote says. Suggest an impromptu game of “I, Spy” or get creative by asking kids to draw a picture about how they’re feeling. Other ideas include reading a funny book or watching a silly video, asking them trivia questions, and telling them jokes. This is especially important when it’s close to bedtime and you’re trying to keep things positive before sleep.

6. Don’t fix it.

This is a hard one. Whether you want to make your kids feel better or you figure you can just take care of it (fix the toy, help find the sock, bring the forgotten homework to school), it’s more effective to act as a guide when kids are learning how to deal with disappointment, according to PBS. Ask questions that will help them troubleshoot what happened and how they feel about the problem. “How did you feel when that happened? What do you wish had happened instead? How can we turn this into something good?

7. Stick with your normal routine.

In times of stress, encourage kids to keep regular times of going to bed, eating meals, and doing homework, Daniels says. Having a basic plan for the day is essential because kids thrive on predictability. When something doesn’t work out, at least they’ll know what should happen down the line. 

8. Find time to have special moments.

If your kids are bummed because they can’t attend their friend’s birthday or their favorite ice cream flavor isn’t available or they missed the final shot on goal, take the opportunity to plan something else fun. This doesn’t mean you have to take them to the amusement park or invest tons of money; just spend quality time together and you’ll see their moods lift.  

9. Don’t underestimate the power of hugs.

Close contact, like hugs, can go a long way to providing kids with comfort when they’re learning how to deal with disappointment. That way, they’ll know you might not fix the problem, but you’ll always be there to offer comfort. Marote also suggests encouraging younger kids to hug their stuffies when they’re feeling sad or anxious. If you’re dealing with disappointed tweens or teens, look for signs that they’re ready for a hug or having you in their personal space. If it doesn’t happen, remember that being nearby and ready to listen is just as important. 

Related: 9 ‘Harmless’ Phrases That Hurt Kids More Than You Think

—with additional reporting by Gabby Cullen